The Passion and a crazy video

So last night I went out and saw The Passion of the Christ. All I can say is............lsdflasdjdslfj...............It was the most awe inspiring thing ive ever seen. After it was over we just sat there in silence. I didn't know what to say or do. I couldn't get up, I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, so we just sat there. After we got up and got to the car we still didn't say anything all the way home. You could cut the tension with a knife........seriously. So if you haven't seen this movie.......GO SEE IT!!

Also today was pretty fun. Me, Desi, Cliften, Kisha, and eventualy Chris all went to Crumley to and cooked enchiladas and rice and beans. It was really good. I was super impressed by their cooking talents. Of course, I didn't cook any lol. I video taped :) I have to say Ive never had so much fun with a camera. I walked around the dorm for a while and taped them cooking. Then Desi asked me to go over to Bruce and find chris and ask him to come over. At first I was going to say no, but she said I could take the camera so I was like SURE!! So i walked to bruce, talking about everything I saw and passed along the way. Went to the lobby, and since chris was there, I convinced him to come so we walked back making jokes as we walked. Then we ate, then I had a stupid meeting at 8, then I came back about an hour later. I quickly convinced them to watch the video I had shot. It was greatness. Desi said was gonna try and make a copy of it for me. You know, as much as its weird to see her flirt with Chris and think that was me once, i have to be an adult and admit he is kind of a cool guy so far. He made funny jokes and laughed at mine. And he doesn't seem to be the type of guy who would just use her. So, I think she might beat me to our deal :( but dont worry, starting tomorrow Im in full swing, already got a girl i want to ask to hang out sometime so we will see how that goes.

And more good news, Brittnay seems to be doing alot better. I saw her in the lobby laughing which is always good and I talked to her online tonight and she said she was doing better. So every thing SEEMS to be going alright for the time being, but my life is weird like that. One minute Im on cloud nine and by the next day Im depressed as ever. So....lets hope it stays this way for at least a little while longer this time.

A Message...

THIS IS A MESSAGE FROM DESIREE TO YOU 4. I HOPE YOU PAY ATTENTION.

"FUCK YOU... SON, TRAVIS, DERICK, AND JOESPH!!!

Son... you hate me and I have no idea why. The amount of conversation he have had was last year fall semester and that included you saying I have nice boobs and a nice ass and me not knowing how to respond. Ever since then you have had it out for me.

Travis... Flick you off too. HOw can you be so mean and hateful? All I have ever been to you is nice and kind but before you even met me you hated me. Why? Because of Son? DO you always follow in his footsteps?

Derick... You're mean to a lot of people. That is who you are. I know you don't like me no idea why but o well.

As for you Joesph... SORRY FOR GOING TO YOUR ROOM TO BE WITH MY FRIEND WHEN I NEEDED ONE. Must you follow in Son's hatered as well? I can only apologize so much and I'm done.

I tried to get y'all to like me. Well you know what? Screw you all. I don't need such vicious people to like me. I refuse to change who I am to fit in with y'all. Why lower myself to y'all's standards? It's not worth it.

As to Patrick's well being... Right now if I stopped being his friend he would blame it on y'all and hold it against y'all and then y'all would lose him. I however refuse to put Patrick through this AGAIN. I've put up with y'all's shit for as long as I care to and I refuse to put up with it anymore. You ALL need to wake up and realize Patrick is a GROWN man and he CAN and WILL make his own choices. He IS allowed to have his own friends and do things that y'all disapprove of. You can't tell him what to do and who to be friends with.

I let y'all break me down for the LAST time. I never knew what a bully was like. I have always made friends with everyone. I refuse to lower my self down to y'all's level of meanness and FLICK you off when I see you. If you don't care to speak to me when you see me then don't. If you want to ignore me then go ahead. Just stop and think about your actions before you lose Patrick. "

bitching....just bitching

Heres my venting for a night. thats all it is...just venting. Nobody draw conclusions on anything cuz I know I hinted at stuff in here. This is a journal, so i get to put things in here I dont nessesarily mean. Ok...ready...GO!!

Damn it, why the hell is life so complicated some times. Im trying to type this paper thats do in 12 hours and I cant consintrate because of alot of different things. And the crappy part is I should have been done with some of these a long time ago. Infact, i was done with them along time ago, they just popped back up in the last couple of months. And the new problems are just as complicated. Ive got all these thoughts running though my head and I dont have any idea what I want to do. Maybe its just late and Im just tired and cant think very well. I thought I had everything figured out not to long ago.

(ok heres the part for Desi)

I guess I just feel like and ass for all this shit I did last year. I put you through so much shit. Why? Who the fuck knows. I was a bastard ok? I was a bad boy friend...there i said it. I couldn't get past some stuff you did and I threw it back in your face over and over again. And now look at me, Im still single. Breaking up with me was probably one of the best things for you. You got to be who you wanted and didn't have to worry about anyone trying to change you any more. What did I get to go home to? A family who was falling apart at DAMN SEEMS!! I lost my father, my home, my pets all in the matter of 3 months of being at home. And I didn't have any friends at home. My friends that lived close to me left me after highschool. I had to fend for my self and the only help I had was my brothers. All these things I want to tell you and I dont even know how to say them.

(now the part for my other friends)

And why cant some of my friends get a grip? Me and Desi are friends again. You can go to hell if you dont like me hanging out with her.

(ok back to Desi)

What am i going to do? I wish you were online right now. I thought about calling you, but I dont want to wake you up. You dont deserve to have a half sane ex bf calling you so that he can say stuff that isn't even important enough to wake you up for.

(ok back to genral ranting)

Man this blows...I hate this paper...I hate being poor...I hate the fact I didn't have a good enough father who could have raised me better on what to do about girls or relationships. Or how about a father that was still FUCKING HERE YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!

*sigh* there...I feel better.

A night out

Last night was really fun. Me and Desi went to Karma and just hung out like old times. We talked about alot of things that we hadn't before and I think told her somethings I had needed to tell her since we broke up. So it was kind of a little therapy session for a while. She bought me cheesecake which was totaly awesome. Then after that we went back to Bruce and she wanted to prove to me she could play piano now, so we got a key and went doiwn there. Omg, she could actualy play 3 songs!! I tried so hard back when we were going out to teach her ANYTHING and she never got any of it. I was so proud of her :) I also got to play some of her old favorites that she hadn't heard in a while and I got to play some new stuff that she hadn't heard before. Over all I think I played pretty crapy lol. I hadn't been at a piano in months so everything was pretty bad. Not to mention she had to listen to me try to sing some things of which i didn't know the words to. But yea, so it was over all a great night and Im glad we got to spend some time together.