Still Fighting It - Ben Folds

Everybody knows, it hurts to grow up, and everybody does.

its so weird to be back here, well let me tell you what,

the years go on and we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I WILL NOT LET HER RUN MY LIFE! I WILL NOT LET HER CONTROL MY EMOTIONS! I WILL NOT LET HER EFFECT THE WAY I LIVE MY LIFE OR MY DAILY ACTIVITIES. WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHES IN KHARMA OR MY HOUSE! I RUN MY LIFE, ITS MY LIFE, ITS MY LIFE.....ITS MY LIFE.....I WILL NOT LET HER RUN MY LIFE ANYMORE! I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO CONTROL ME! I WILL NOT ALLOW MY PAST TO EFFECT THE FUTURE! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT, ITS MY LIFE.....MY LIFE.....MY LIFE......ITS TIME I WAKE UP AND LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME AND NOT FOR OTHERS! MY LIFE IS MY LIFE, NOT HERS. ITS MY LIFE MY LIFE MY LIFE. I WILL NOT LET OLD FEELINGS THAT DONT HOLD ANY VALUE ANY MORE GET IN THE WAY OF MY LIFE.....ITS MY LIFE.....I DONT CARE WHO SHE SEES OR WHERE SHE GOES...ITS MY LIFE....I DONT CARE, ITS MY LIFE NOW, SHE DOES NOT CONTROL ME, SHE DOES NOT CONTROL MY THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS.....ITS MY LIFE!!

Wishful Dreaming

Dear Journal Readers,

Wow I guess its been almost a week since I last wrote in here. I guess with work and Joseph coming into town and such, I haven't had really been paying attention to this. Well how are you guys doing? Good I hope. I had this dream last night that I was dating this girl I know. Shes friends with my roommates and I hang out with her at Kharma sometimes. Anywayz, in my dream, after we had been dating for a while I realized that I was dreaming. When I told her that it was a dream she told me, "I dont care if this is a dream, you have to come find me. If this is a dream, what ever you do, come find me because we should be together." I called her twice today to hang out but no answer. I asked a friend and found out shes out of town right now anyway. Its dreams like that that make you wonder what dreams really are. I mean, how do I take that dream? Do I chalk it up to being just another weird odd dream or do I take it as a message to go out and do something about it? I for one am not taking the chance of it being a message and then not do anything about it. Yes it's probably just a silly dream, but damn it all, I'm going to find out. I know she's leaving for Baton Rouge in Aug, so even if a miracle happened and we ended up together or something it wouldn't last very long and even if it did it would be a long distance thing with no way I could ever come see her. Well, whatever then. Is it bad that I'm sitting here hoping I have that same dream again tonight? Why is it that lately, I seem to be happiest when I'm dreaming? I miss being happy when I am awake, like really happy. It's been a while since my awake happiness could match my dream happiness. I find comfort in thinking that maybe, just maybe, there is a girl out there right now sitting at her computer, typing in a journal entry and thinking t

4th of July

So.....Hi.....How are you doing? I'm doing alright. Tomorrow is the first Wednesday of the month which means that the new Superman comic comes out tomorrow. When I was at home this weekend for the 4th I brought up all my comics that I had stashed away. I had more than I thought I would honestly. So after work today I put them all in their little holders and put those into the binder. I surprisingly have a lot of the Reign of the Supermen series. I have enough to piece together the story line anyway. In other news, yesterday was the 4th of July so my family did our annual Kaboom Town trip in Addison. That was on the 3rd so when I got back up here on the 4th me, Josh, and Amy went to some ones house and had a crap load of food. While I was there I ran into a girl I knew named Shannon. I hadn't seen her since that X-Mas party I went to with the ex back in December. Of course, now that I'm single, she's not and neither was her TWIN SISTER who was also there. Go figure... Afterwards, us three, ashlee, sarah, and some other people went swimming in some pool somewhere in whcih Josh decided that he was going to be the only one to go skinny dipping. Most of everyone there had already seen him naked anyway. Work today was extreamly slow to start with but picked up towards the end. Son came up afterwards and we had lunch which was cool. Talked about Joseph maybe coming up this weekend which would be awesomeness. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him for a day or two. Also I bought my self some sun glasses today and thank God I did because its so damn hot and bright out now days. *Sigh* good ol' Texas Summers. Oh and to keep you up to speed on the Mac situation, upon advice from multiple people, I have decidied to hold off until I can 1) Save money and 2) wait for the system to get an upgrade here soon. Well ok thats about all for now.