Today is friday, and I am thankful for that. I'm trying to keep this journal unspecific and stick to just gernal ideas and emotions but sometimes that is hard to do. You never know who could be reading this.
Things are going good. I have to remind my self sometimes of how good I have it. I have tons of friends, a family who loves me, and I'm in a city that has literally thousands of people around my age who I can go meet. Now granted I'll never meet most of them and probably wouldn't want to know a lot of them, but I could if I wanted to. I feel like this journal has become a self peptalk lately.
This is such a tricky situation I'm in now and I dont think it should be. I'm so afraid of being alone in one way sometimes, I don't stop to think of how not alone I am in other ways. Ok so what, I dont have a girlfriend, is that really such a big deal? Can I not be happy being single? Many other people are. Can we just fast forward to like 4 months from now please? I'd really appreciate that.
Patrick, I'm going to tell you what everyone is telling you right now...You Need To Be Happy. Everyone just wants you to figure out how to get that way and then stay there. I figured I was doing a good job but apparently you still need to work on that my friend. And no one read this thinking that I mope around all day being depressed because...well...maybe sometimes I do....but not most of the time.
Ok I'm done.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Friday, March 02, 2007
Different is Good
"I wont worry my life away. I wont, I wont I wont worry my life way" Jason Mraz
I am happy today and Liesl's party is going to rock and I cant wait to go putt putting this afternoon. I've waited for years to go to this place and nothing...NOTHING...is going to ruin my day.
yea i know that guy is lame but come on, its a good quote. Why worry about stuff I can't control. People have to chose what is good for them selves and not what others want for them. Maybe that was my mistake. I woke up this morning kinda bummed still but as the day went on I got better. It really helps that its an amazing day out side. The wind is a little cool but with a long sleeve shirt on, i feel pretty good. I think last night became something WAY over blown when it was suppose to be much simpler and calmer talk. I wonder how much of that was my fault. I suppose I have some blame in it.
You know what, I need to go back to doing whats right for me first. I'm not saying her needs aren't important because they are, but they dont come first in my life. No one should put others needs before their own. Maybe that sounds selfish but it's got to be true or you're going to go crazy. And whats the worst that can happen? I go back to normal before I met her...oh no!! Being unattached isn't so bad. I mean, you get to do whatever you want whenever you want. Ok, so I wouldn't have anyone to really share my personal thoughts and feelings with. And I wouldn't have someone who shares that very deep connection with me. Yes that would suck....bad.....but thats why I'm not just blowing her off and we are going to try to remain being friends still. I suppose I could go back to not being friends, but thats immature and stupid. I dont want to give up a good friend because shes to busy. And who knows, maybe in a while, a long while, we'll try this again on a more involved level. But im done worrying about all of this. From here on out, I control my own emotions and my own actions. I will still see her when I can but it will be different from here on out and different will be better for us.
No more reading her journal anymore man, seriously. Her thoughts are her thoughts and they should stay that way. If you cant trust your self to not go crazy over something, just stop reading it.
I am happy today and Liesl's party is going to rock and I cant wait to go putt putting this afternoon. I've waited for years to go to this place and nothing...NOTHING...is going to ruin my day.
I am happy today and Liesl's party is going to rock and I cant wait to go putt putting this afternoon. I've waited for years to go to this place and nothing...NOTHING...is going to ruin my day.
yea i know that guy is lame but come on, its a good quote. Why worry about stuff I can't control. People have to chose what is good for them selves and not what others want for them. Maybe that was my mistake. I woke up this morning kinda bummed still but as the day went on I got better. It really helps that its an amazing day out side. The wind is a little cool but with a long sleeve shirt on, i feel pretty good. I think last night became something WAY over blown when it was suppose to be much simpler and calmer talk. I wonder how much of that was my fault. I suppose I have some blame in it.
You know what, I need to go back to doing whats right for me first. I'm not saying her needs aren't important because they are, but they dont come first in my life. No one should put others needs before their own. Maybe that sounds selfish but it's got to be true or you're going to go crazy. And whats the worst that can happen? I go back to normal before I met her...oh no!! Being unattached isn't so bad. I mean, you get to do whatever you want whenever you want. Ok, so I wouldn't have anyone to really share my personal thoughts and feelings with. And I wouldn't have someone who shares that very deep connection with me. Yes that would suck....bad.....but thats why I'm not just blowing her off and we are going to try to remain being friends still. I suppose I could go back to not being friends, but thats immature and stupid. I dont want to give up a good friend because shes to busy. And who knows, maybe in a while, a long while, we'll try this again on a more involved level. But im done worrying about all of this. From here on out, I control my own emotions and my own actions. I will still see her when I can but it will be different from here on out and different will be better for us.
No more reading her journal anymore man, seriously. Her thoughts are her thoughts and they should stay that way. If you cant trust your self to not go crazy over something, just stop reading it.
I am happy today and Liesl's party is going to rock and I cant wait to go putt putting this afternoon. I've waited for years to go to this place and nothing...NOTHING...is going to ruin my day.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Liesl is leaving in a little over a week and is throwing her goodbye party on friday. I'm taking Bethany so they will at least get to meet once before I lose Liesl for 5 months. I hope this turns out well. I haven't taken a girl to a party since I took Angelica to Brendan's bday party. The most I remember about that night is we went home and had sex in like 3 different rooms in the house and took a bath together. What a crazy night. Well for my relationships sake, lets hope things dont get quite that crazy friday.
You had a talk with Bethany two days ago about the physical side of relationships. You started to grab her butt and pull it closer to you and you took off her jacket and had your hand up her shirt. You took it to far dude and probably ruined your future make out sessions for a while.
Remember, you like Bethany, not just Bethany's body. She is more than her looks and her boobs and her ass. She is so much more than that to you. She is a great girl and if you screw this one up you'll never forgive your self. Pray about it and keep in mind that God is calling you to be a good man this time. Don't scare her away simply because you want to cop a feel once or twice. Remember, no neck kissing from here on either. Your hands stay off of her body unless its touching her arm or face or some other normally unsexual body part.
DO NOT MESS THIS ONE UP!!
Bethany had a panic attack yesterday. A very mild one, but her mom still said thats what it was. So, ok, one panic attack is no big deal, but I will not be drug into another Angelica or Desiree. No thank you. Not when they were having them like once a week. What a nightmare that was. I hope Bethany is doing alright today as she decided to stay home from work and just do hw all day.
You had a talk with Bethany two days ago about the physical side of relationships. You started to grab her butt and pull it closer to you and you took off her jacket and had your hand up her shirt. You took it to far dude and probably ruined your future make out sessions for a while.
Remember, you like Bethany, not just Bethany's body. She is more than her looks and her boobs and her ass. She is so much more than that to you. She is a great girl and if you screw this one up you'll never forgive your self. Pray about it and keep in mind that God is calling you to be a good man this time. Don't scare her away simply because you want to cop a feel once or twice. Remember, no neck kissing from here on either. Your hands stay off of her body unless its touching her arm or face or some other normally unsexual body part.
DO NOT MESS THIS ONE UP!!
Bethany had a panic attack yesterday. A very mild one, but her mom still said thats what it was. So, ok, one panic attack is no big deal, but I will not be drug into another Angelica or Desiree. No thank you. Not when they were having them like once a week. What a nightmare that was. I hope Bethany is doing alright today as she decided to stay home from work and just do hw all day.
Cute
I'm sitting in the union by Jasmin's and I
saw a couple outside sitting on the bench.
They seemed to be having a great time in
the warm spring sun this morning. As she
would laugh, she would do the flirting thing
where she would like touch his arm or gently
slap his leg. It was really very cute. Made me
think about things and it made me happy
to see others happy. Horray for warm days.
saw a couple outside sitting on the bench.
They seemed to be having a great time in
the warm spring sun this morning. As she
would laugh, she would do the flirting thing
where she would like touch his arm or gently
slap his leg. It was really very cute. Made me
think about things and it made me happy
to see others happy. Horray for warm days.
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