bitching....just bitching

Heres my venting for a night. thats all it is...just venting. Nobody draw conclusions on anything cuz I know I hinted at stuff in here. This is a journal, so i get to put things in here I dont nessesarily mean. Ok...ready...GO!!

Damn it, why the hell is life so complicated some times. Im trying to type this paper thats do in 12 hours and I cant consintrate because of alot of different things. And the crappy part is I should have been done with some of these a long time ago. Infact, i was done with them along time ago, they just popped back up in the last couple of months. And the new problems are just as complicated. Ive got all these thoughts running though my head and I dont have any idea what I want to do. Maybe its just late and Im just tired and cant think very well. I thought I had everything figured out not to long ago.

(ok heres the part for Desi)

I guess I just feel like and ass for all this shit I did last year. I put you through so much shit. Why? Who the fuck knows. I was a bastard ok? I was a bad boy friend...there i said it. I couldn't get past some stuff you did and I threw it back in your face over and over again. And now look at me, Im still single. Breaking up with me was probably one of the best things for you. You got to be who you wanted and didn't have to worry about anyone trying to change you any more. What did I get to go home to? A family who was falling apart at DAMN SEEMS!! I lost my father, my home, my pets all in the matter of 3 months of being at home. And I didn't have any friends at home. My friends that lived close to me left me after highschool. I had to fend for my self and the only help I had was my brothers. All these things I want to tell you and I dont even know how to say them.

(now the part for my other friends)

And why cant some of my friends get a grip? Me and Desi are friends again. You can go to hell if you dont like me hanging out with her.

(ok back to Desi)

What am i going to do? I wish you were online right now. I thought about calling you, but I dont want to wake you up. You dont deserve to have a half sane ex bf calling you so that he can say stuff that isn't even important enough to wake you up for.

(ok back to genral ranting)

Man this blows...I hate this paper...I hate being poor...I hate the fact I didn't have a good enough father who could have raised me better on what to do about girls or relationships. Or how about a father that was still FUCKING HERE YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!

*sigh* there...I feel better.

A night out

Last night was really fun. Me and Desi went to Karma and just hung out like old times. We talked about alot of things that we hadn't before and I think told her somethings I had needed to tell her since we broke up. So it was kind of a little therapy session for a while. She bought me cheesecake which was totaly awesome. Then after that we went back to Bruce and she wanted to prove to me she could play piano now, so we got a key and went doiwn there. Omg, she could actualy play 3 songs!! I tried so hard back when we were going out to teach her ANYTHING and she never got any of it. I was so proud of her :) I also got to play some of her old favorites that she hadn't heard in a while and I got to play some new stuff that she hadn't heard before. Over all I think I played pretty crapy lol. I hadn't been at a piano in months so everything was pretty bad. Not to mention she had to listen to me try to sing some things of which i didn't know the words to. But yea, so it was over all a great night and Im glad we got to spend some time together.