Chasing Amy

I saw the film Chasing Amy the other day for the first time. My friend kept telling me I needed to see it and that it was a great film but I just never got around to it. Now that it's on streaming Netflix, I sat down and watched. I think I can sum up my opinion of the film by stating that if I had watched that movie say...10 years ago... I would have been much better off. I can think of a number of girls I have dated that had I seen that movie before hand, the relationship may have ended differently. Notice how I said "may have ended" instead of "not had ended." There's no doubt in my mind that we would have still broken up eventually but the anger that I felt might have been a little less.

For those of you who have not seen this film let me paraphrase. Here is the scene where Bob tells the story about chasing amy. *SPOILERS*

I can't even start to tell you how much this story resembles my past. I could tell this story word for word and it would have been completely true. I was completely dumbfounded after this scene. All the sudden I realized how retarded I was all those years ago. This post will make me seem really stupid but I was never able to figure out why I was so mad at them for being like that. I mean, I kinda knew why, but I never had anyone put it into such a simple story before. The saddest thing about my story is that it happened over again. Even after the first girl who fit that story I found other girls who fits that story. It didn't quite end that way the other times but it still ended badly. 

Deep down I guess it was always the insecurities that led to the failure. I used to call it a failure of trust, which was partly true. I definitely didn't trust them after I found out more about their past. But maybe the reason why I didn't trust them is because of my own perceived failures. Jealousy can be a weird thing sometimes too. They got to have the past I never had and I hated them for it. Immature I know, but hey it's me. When I was growing up an idea must of been planted in my head somewhere that I was suppose to be the seductive, experimental one, and the girls I dated were suppose to be the innocent ones. I'm not sure at what point that idea got into my head but I definitely know it got there by college. Maybe it was me not being able to decide which type of girl I wanted. Every guy wants to get with the easy girl because they are experienced and...well easy. Every guy also wants to date the nice girl. Cool, calm, you're mom likes her, just nice and friendly. Somehow I seem to have found a few girls who fell into that grey area. Big surprise hu? Life not all black and white hu? Seems silly now to wonder how that happened. Not like my father was any help in any of this. He was gone by the time I was twenty so not having him to bounce ideas or feelings off of didn't help anything either. Who knew all I needed was a film to spell it out? One that had been out for years by that point! 

I wonder how many guys in the world this story can apply too. I'm sure it's more now than it was in 1997. It must be more than I use to think. After all, no one persons problems are that unique. There are just to many people in the world. If you're reading this you probably think I feel bad now for pushing those girls away, but I don't. I moved on and so did they. Funny that the same reasoning Alyssa gives for her past in the film I now use for mine. Sometimes I still even drop those girls a line on Facebook every now and again and seem to get a response back from one or the other. This is definitely a scene and a film I will always remember. 

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Coffee, Coffee

I don't think I could start my day off right with out my morning coffee I didn't use to think this was important until I started working here when I was young I just didn't care or maybe its the fact that I just had more energy that's probably it because I didn't have any kids back then so all my energy went to me now it just all goes to my daughter it would probably save me lots of money if I didn't go get Starbucks every day but I only get the tall black coffee which is like $1.60 and sometimes I'm running behind and I don't get it at all my wife says I should bring it from home but that just doesn't taste the same you know a co-worker says its because Starbucks over brews their coffee and thats why I can't seem to make it the same way at home or maybe my coffee pot doesn't get it to that super hot temperature that Starbucks does either way I'll probably just keep doing what I'm doing because if I don't I think that my days would be a lot more painful.