Heres my venting for a night. thats all it is...just venting. Nobody draw conclusions on anything cuz I know I hinted at stuff in here. This is a journal, so i get to put things in here I dont nessesarily mean. Ok...ready...GO!!
Damn it, why the hell is life so complicated some times. Im trying to type this paper thats do in 12 hours and I cant consintrate because of alot of different things. And the crappy part is I should have been done with some of these a long time ago. Infact, i was done with them along time ago, they just popped back up in the last couple of months. And the new problems are just as complicated. Ive got all these thoughts running though my head and I dont have any idea what I want to do. Maybe its just late and Im just tired and cant think very well. I thought I had everything figured out not to long ago.
(ok heres the part for Desi)
I guess I just feel like and ass for all this shit I did last year. I put you through so much shit. Why? Who the fuck knows. I was a bastard ok? I was a bad boy friend...there i said it. I couldn't get past some stuff you did and I threw it back in your face over and over again. And now look at me, Im still single. Breaking up with me was probably one of the best things for you. You got to be who you wanted and didn't have to worry about anyone trying to change you any more. What did I get to go home to? A family who was falling apart at DAMN SEEMS!! I lost my father, my home, my pets all in the matter of 3 months of being at home. And I didn't have any friends at home. My friends that lived close to me left me after highschool. I had to fend for my self and the only help I had was my brothers. All these things I want to tell you and I dont even know how to say them.
(now the part for my other friends)
And why cant some of my friends get a grip? Me and Desi are friends again. You can go to hell if you dont like me hanging out with her.
(ok back to Desi)
What am i going to do? I wish you were online right now. I thought about calling you, but I dont want to wake you up. You dont deserve to have a half sane ex bf calling you so that he can say stuff that isn't even important enough to wake you up for.
(ok back to genral ranting)
Man this blows...I hate this paper...I hate being poor...I hate the fact I didn't have a good enough father who could have raised me better on what to do about girls or relationships. Or how about a father that was still FUCKING HERE YOU FUCKING CUNT!!!
*sigh* there...I feel better.
3 comments:
It'll be ok
I forgive you for anything that you think u did last year, fact is I didn't remember most that stuff until u started telling me about it again and I still don't remember you being an ass until after we broke up but I can understnad that you were upset, who wouldn't be.
As for your friends, yea they don't like me. Thats something I came to grips with a while ago. I tried to get them to like me but I started losing who I was and decided that I'm not going to TRY to get someone to like me. Either they like me how I am or they don't and your friends don't. I also understnad that they are worried that I am jsut going to hurt you again or that I may be a bad influence on you or MAYBE they are worried they are going to lose you as a friend. I don't know.
Patricks friends:
What I DO know, however, y'all don't like me, for one reason or another y'all don't. I don't know what it is that I did to make ALL of y'all dislike me before y'all even knew me. Best guess is that Son or Travis disliked me then got you all to follow. I don't know. It's been said that I "Suck the life out of a room" when I enter it, if thats the way y'all feel then so be it. I can't change your mind and you have every right to think what you want. Just be careful about how you go about telling PAtrick what you think about me and our friendship and don't keep telling him. It is starting to get at him as you can see and its not worth you losing a friend over. He loves you all and I know y'all love him but he has to be able to have his own mind and make his own choices and y'all have to be the type of friend that says what you think and then let it go and if y'all are proved right then don't rub it in his face but tell him your sorry for what has happened, console him, then move on.
Patrick:
If you need to talk to me you can just call me. I'll be more than willing to listen to you and if you want give advice. AS for your friends, like I stated earlier, I'm used to it, I don't understnad it but I can accept the fact they don't like and jsut want what they think is the best for you. I say Just sit back and be thankful that you have so many friends that want the best for you and don't want to see you get hurt.
I hope you feel better and don't forget... you CAN call me if and when you feel the need. Ciao Babe
dude man chill you're being super hard on yourself. it's ok we all have shit that we go through trust me. but really the only way feel better is deal and move on. i know it sounds like shit but hey man look at every bad situation as a learning experience and don't get worked up over this stupid shit with your friends not liking desi. what's right for you is right for you. i'm sure they're just concerned for you and don't want you go down the same road again. just remember man whenever times get tough just use that as a motivator to change things and/or not let situations revamp and haunt you again. if you need anything man i'll be here for you cuz i know it sucks and living in bruce....well it's drama. i'll be your outside grip. hehe. just email me at angellovesbass@hotmail.com. deuce bro and things will work out they always do. just live and learn.
Patrick...You R my SUNSHINE! hehe I love you darling, I know you were ranting so I don't want to overanalyze, but if you ever need to talk you KNOW you can ALWAYS come and talk to me! ALWAYS!
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