Liesl is leaving in a little over a week and is throwing her goodbye party on friday. I'm taking Bethany so they will at least get to meet once before I lose Liesl for 5 months. I hope this turns out well. I haven't taken a girl to a party since I took Angelica to Brendan's bday party. The most I remember about that night is we went home and had sex in like 3 different rooms in the house and took a bath together. What a crazy night. Well for my relationships sake, lets hope things dont get quite that crazy friday.

You had a talk with Bethany two days ago about the physical side of relationships. You started to grab her butt and pull it closer to you and you took off her jacket and had your hand up her shirt. You took it to far dude and probably ruined your future make out sessions for a while.

Remember, you like Bethany, not just Bethany's body. She is more than her looks and her boobs and her ass. She is so much more than that to you. She is a great girl and if you screw this one up you'll never forgive your self. Pray about it and keep in mind that God is calling you to be a good man this time. Don't scare her away simply because you want to cop a feel once or twice. Remember, no neck kissing from here on either. Your hands stay off of her body unless its touching her arm or face or some other normally unsexual body part.

DO NOT MESS THIS ONE UP!!

Bethany had a panic attack yesterday. A very mild one, but her mom still said thats what it was. So, ok, one panic attack is no big deal, but I will not be drug into another Angelica or Desiree. No thank you. Not when they were having them like once a week. What a nightmare that was. I hope Bethany is doing alright today as she decided to stay home from work and just do hw all day.

Cute

I'm sitting in the union by Jasmin's and I
saw a couple outside sitting on the bench.
They seemed to be having a great time in
the warm spring sun this morning. As she
would laugh, she would do the flirting thing
where she would like touch his arm or gently
slap his leg. It was really very cute. Made me
think about things and it made me happy
to see others happy. Horray for warm days.

Over Analyzing

Emotions, feelings, thoughts, ideas...they run through my head a lot. Especially at all the wrong times. But then again, maybe it was the right time. Is it better to over analyze a situation or is it better to just "go with the flow." Sometimes I think my flow is going right off a cliff so, maybe sometimes you shouldn't just watch things happen. You have to take a stand and say "look, here is how it should be." And then when you do, you'll feel better about it. Don't lose focus on what is important in life though. Remember why you are here and how you got to where you are today. If you keep that in mind, you should have an easier time trying to figure things out. You're not going any where any time soon, so have patience and the resolve to press on correctly.

Peace

A Cool Head

its very hard sometimes to keep a cool head about Bethany. In my past relationships, and this isn't even an official one yet, we always rushed right into it. But this time things are moving at a very different pace. I find it fustraitingly healthy. I want to run kinda full speed into it and start defining everything and putting a label on it and change my facebook status but I know I can't because she would freak out.

And i ask my self, am i not happy with the way things are now? Of course I'm happy. And so what if she backs out in a week or two and decides this isn't what she wants. I'll just got back to being my self again and keep looking for the right girl. I'm not in love with her or anything. I'm not even her bf, so I could still pull out of this two if I feel something isn't going right.

I guess its better this way. You know, having a normal relationship where we date for a while, then label it as going out weeks down the road. Patience is the key here Patrick.

Patience.

2 Days To Go

Its been about two and a half years since my last relationship and here I find my self seriously starting a new one. But there are questions to be asked. Here in my...fortress of solitude, we shall try to find the answers. So, here we go.

What is a relationship and what does it entail?
A relationship is when two people, who care very much about each other, enter into a formal bond to not emotionally or physically be with another person in the same way. This would mean being able to trust each other with certain aspects of your life and giving them pieces of your heart that no one else is allowed to have. Lets go deeper into trust for a second.

Trust in a relationship is huge. If you dont trust your girlfriend in a lot of ways, then it can lead to jealousy and smothering. Nothing can kill a relationship than those two things. In fact they probably lead into and cause each other. If you're jealous of someone else, you'll cling to your girlfriend like glue and smother her to death. I learned this lesson the hard way with my first girlfriend. I was jealous and tried to solve that by being very close to her all the time. The relationship only lasted about a month and a half.

Back to the topic of giving her pieces of your heart. Sometimes I wonder that maybe I shouldn't ever allow my self to get to close to someone again. Lets face it, the odds of it working out are 1 out of however many girls I will date in my entire life. Because in order for it to work out, we have to get married. I mean, isn't that what happens when you have a "successful relationship?" And even the odds of you having a successful marriage slim enough already? I know the divorce rate is up to 60%. But I digress...Do I truly want a long term relationship? Yes of course I do. I just dont want to get screwed over again. Angelica seemed like such a great person for quite sometime until I started going out with her and things fell apart. I remember when the first sign of problems started with Angelica about 2 weeks in. I sat there and thought to my self, do I want to go with this or get out now while I wasn't still attached? And I chose to keep going.

Now I find my self in that place again. Of course I dont have any signs of it not working out so far, but I just thought that I like her, but I'm not so attached yet that I couldn't stop it you know? But I feel my self getting more attached as the days go by and as we hang out and talk more.

Or, perhaps I'm just really over analyzing this and I should just enjoy my time with her for as long as I can. Yea I like that idea best.

It's So Weird

You know, I dont know why we get that feeling. You know that feeling. The feeling like you want to sit in a room with all the lights off, put some deep, thoughtful music on, and just relax for a while. Maybe I'm just still tired from the day. I did have to take an hour power nap at Mandy's just so I could have enough energy to get through Public Speaking today. I didn't even do much today really. In Performance of Lit I had a 2 minute speech and then did nothing besides watch everyone else. In french all we did was watch a movie and in public speaking we just got into a group and wrote a fake speech outline.

After our Apple Users Group meeting, I came home to an empty house and just sat with my cat and listened to some music in the living room. I know now why my roommate keeps doing the same thing. I think it's more peaceful down here than up in our rooms. I never take the time to just listen anymore. I'm not really listening for anything really, just listening to silence I guess. Listening to the sounds of my neighbor's kids running up the stairs or to the drip of the kitchen sink that never stops. Listening to the sound of my keys typing or of my cat purring next to me. I'm glad I have a cat again. its nice to have something friendly to come home to that does nothing but want affection from me.

Maybe its the rain. I need sun shine for crying out loud! Everyone is sick except for me, that stupid Valentines Day is coming up on wednesday and of course I'm STILL single for the 3rd year in a row.... horray. It's a stupid holiday anyway.

If this weekend did anything, it helped me to see that God isn't going to leave me high and dry with no friends left here in Denton. I have been worrying for a while that as my friends leave this town, I would be left with no one to talk to. I guess God has a way of slapping you in the face sometime. Desiree told me last week that she has always noticed how I can make new friends so quickly even when others can't. Well, its 10pm and I'm tired. Maybe I'll go bed early tonight and see what happens. Later.

For Future Referense

Ok im going to write this down because if I dont I know I'm going to forget so much stuff.

Friday - Went to Lucky Lou's with Dawn where way to many people bought me drinks and Liesl came to take me home. Bethany, a girl from public speaking IMed me so we talked until 3am.

Saturday - woke up and watched Barack Obama announce he is running for president. Then decided to go with Bethany take our extra credit library tour for our public speaking class. When that fell through, we went to meet her friends from back home and went to jimmy johns. Then we all went back to her place and played Guitar Hero II. Then went to Hooligans, out to dinner, then to Texas Jive (which was lame), then back to her place for more Guitar Hero II and finally crashed on the couch. I slept like crap because her guy friend snores like a chain-saw.

Sunday - Wake up and decide to go out side for some air. Five seconds later, Bethany comes out and asks, "your not walking home are you?" I say no and we go back inside and talk about WoW for a while. Then, we all decide to go have lunch when their friend gets into town. In the mean time, Bethany comes to my place with me so I can shower, shave and change clothes. Three hours later her friends gets here so we go eat at the newly located Mr. Chopsticks. Then we go back to Chili's for desert. I dont know why we had to go to another place, but we did. At this point its 5:30pm and I am dead tired because I haven't slept well since Thursday night. Bethany and I decide its time for us to go home. I'm at home for like an hour and a half when Joseph calls and decides to pick me up for Battlestar night. Needless to say I didn't get home until midnight.

I am dead tired. I am going to sleep.