Merry Christmas

Christmas has come and gone again and I'd have to say it was a good one. Both of my brothers came home and we got to spend a few days together before Jeremy left for Indiana today to see his girlfriends family. So what did I get you may ask? Well I'll show you...



Ok now picture that in blue and thats pretty much the jist of what I got this year :)

...All the Way Home

Right now I am sitting in my mom's house in Frisco watching Battlestar Galactica. Jeremy was suppose to come home tonight but the head coach called a practice for tomorrow morning so he has to wait until tomorrow. Nicholas wont be home until saturday so for at least today and most of tomoorrow I'll home alone. It's not so bad really, I mean it's not like I'm not already use to being home alone all day long. At least here I have cable tv and don't have to pay the electric bill later on. I suppose I'll be headed back to Denton in the middle of next week before the first so we can pay bills and such. Well this is a short post because I don't have much else to day.

Fa la la la la??

It's that time again. Time so make bubbles with our spit? No! Time to go home for the holidays, at least for most of us. A dear friend of mine got told today that she couldn't come home because she wanted a friend to come visit with her and her family on the 28th-3rd and didn't ask her family first. Its not like her friend was going to be with them ON Christmas. It was going to be afterwards. And WTF, you don't let your daughter come home just because you're mad at her? That's so messed up. I can't imagine telling my child who is in TX when I live in Virginia that she can't come home just because I didn't want her friend to come see us. It's not like she gets to go home all the time obviously so the time they do get to spend together is very important to her. I was sitting with her when her dad told her she couldn't come home and I'll tell you what, I've never seen anyone become so depressed so quickly. Hun, If you're reading this, I really hope you get to go home and that even if you don't, I know you have plenty of friends here who will be all to happy to let you stay with them. If not, I'll only be in Frisco and my mom would love to have another girl in the house :) its just her and 3 boys usually. So keep me in mind and I'll keep you in mine.

UPDATE:Nevermind, she got to go home after all. HORRAY!

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Its been a few days so I guess its time that I write in here again. First off, let me say that I've been in a rather odd mood lately. I suppose its from a few reasons. I got replaced in my band simply for the fact I don't have good enough equipment for my singer, my scooter has a flat so I can't go anywhere unless its on the bus which stops running at 10:30pm, I have exams all this week, I'm trying to move in to a new place still and get everything set up by my self, I don't know if I can pay all these stupid deposits for electricity, installing the internet and buy xmas presents for my family, I'm single for another Christmas season and seeing couples be all flirty in kharma really eeks me, I have to sit home alone all day every day and only get to see people when Im in class or hanging out afterwards, I'm going through coffee withdrawals, I can barely get people over here to visit because of exams....URGGG!! And I know this one is bitchy and selfish, but god damn it hearing about other people hooking up or knowing that they might hook up especially when I have a crush on them is really fucking fustraiting!

I can't wait to get to my mom's house on Sunday so I can just get out of town for a while.

In other news, I did FINALLY get my internet set up at the new place so that's cool. Im definitely going to make at least a C in French which sucks yes I know, but god damn that was a hard French 1 class. Morgan says that she wants to try to come see me sometime over the break which is freaking awesome. I haven't seen her since August I think. It's always good to get together with old friends. I only have 1 more exam, French, and that's on Friday. Olivia said all it is, is reading articles and answering questions about them...LAME...but TOTALLY AWESOME at the same time. She has the same guy as I do so I know its going to be the same test, which means I don't have to study for it...hahaha. Time to just sit here for a few days and do nothing. Of course, I've been doing nothing since I moved over here but lets not go there again...

Are you really surprised though?

Your results:
You are Superman

Superman 80% Spider-Man 75% Green Lantern 65% Supergirl 55% Robin 52% Wonder Woman 50% Batman 50% Hulk 50% Catwoman 45% The Flash 35% Iron Man 35%

You are mild-mannered, good, strong and you love to help others.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

This Is Me Rambling

Tomorrow is the big day. After about a week with only a very weak wireless internet signal, Charter is coming out tomorrow sometime between eleven and two to hook up my internet! I bought our modem and wireless router and now I just have to wait for them to show up.

Next week is exam week. I have one on Monday at 8am and another on Friday at 10:30am. So again, like almost every other semester, I will be waiting until the last possible day to take my last exam. I found out I'm doing better in French than I thought I was so that's good news. Now all I have to do is do well on my History exam and I should be good to go for this semester. On to French II and no more History for this kid!!! WOO HOO.

Leisl's party is tomorrow night. We have to dress up and wear a mask...ya kinda weird I know, but I've never been to one like it before so it should be fun. I can't imagine not having at least a little bit of fun unless...Some one else shows up with a certain someone else... most of you know who I'm talking about. She follows that boy every where and if they both show up tomorrow night I'm so getting trashed and then passing out in the bed room or something. Either that or finding someone to make out with infront of her. Hell I may just do that anyway :)

Well alright enough rambling for one night.

T'was A Glorious Time

This weekend was quite the interesting and exciting one. First I had been planning for a friend to come see me for a very long time and things always came up and we never got to see each other. But FINALLY after what seems like 2 years, we got to see each other. Well since she was coming into town, I couldn't go to the Austin gig with Vick, but oh well, I had a much better time with her than I would have at the show. We went and saw Rent together and then came back and hung out in my new place for a bit. I have to say, it felt very good to hang out with her after all this time.

So when I wasn't hanging out with her, I was building stuff. Saturday morning I put together my futon with my mom. Sunday, I put together my chair, my desk, and shelves. Now to do this I had to go buy an electric screwdriver. All in all, I got done at about 7pm Sunday night. I'm very glad I didn't go to Austin because I would have never have got all this stuff done. I still need to get my internet taken care of though.

Sebastian is selling me a stick of 512RAM for $30 for my iBook. That means I'll have a full gig in there...sweet. I'm waiting around at Bruce until 5 so I can go over and put it in. Only an hour left or so. But it will be so worth it!

Moving

So the one year on fry street is finally over. As of Thursday the 1st I am officially living in my new place on Bernard St. The place is called Misqute Ridge Town Homes and I live in a 2 bedroom 2.5 bathroom town house. No internet yet so I'm having to yank a weak signal off of one of my neighbors. If I leave my computer in a left hand corner of my room I can get a constant signal. Its weak so everything moves kinda slow, but hey, it's something.

I had another run in with Angelica on wednesday. As I was leaving Kharma she was walking down the sidewalk about to come in. We talked for about a minute or two before a silence fell over us. I wasn't sure what to tell her really. I mean what was I suppose to say? For a spit second I wasn't sure how to say bye to her. I almost went in for a hug but the notion quickly passed. So I said that I was in the middle of moving and had to go and we left. Our run ins never seem to get less akward. I'm sure its probably just me. I wonder if she reads this at all. Probably not, but the link is on my Facebook profile so who knows.

Anyway, this weekend is going to be very busy. Mom is coming Saturday morning for shopping, Shelley is coming that afternoon, then a gig on sunday or something. Not sure exactly where, but Vick wants to practice today so we'll see.

What A Week

Thanksgiving 2005 has come and gone so my streak still continues. What streak you might ask? Well that would be the streak of getting a new girlfriend on the day before we let out for Thanksgiving break on an even numbered year. For example, on the day before Thanksgiving in 2002 me and Desiree became official. On the day before Thanksgiving 2004 me and Angelica became official. So here we are and I have no girlfriend, but that's ok, because the even years are my years. I've had crushes and a date or two, but nothing to speak of. Some friends have told me maybe its better if my next girlfriend doesn't come fit to that tradition because look how those turned out. And I have to agree that they make a fair argument.

I had a wonderful talk with Liesl last night at about 3am. We talked about all kinds of stuff and about how glad we are to have become as close friends as we are now. A part of me really doesn't want her to move away back to Virginia next semester but I know that would make her really happy to be close to her family again. Oh well, I'm sure we will stay in touch.

The move is in a few days. Everyone here is boxing stuff up and starting to move out. I still need to find people to help me move. Keith will be up here Thursday night with is truck but I don't want him to have to do everything, that's not fair to him and Travis is busy all day so Im looking around for more people.

Its such a busy week...I cant wait until Saturday.

Clockwork Orange from Leah

So made a new friend yesterday and figured hey, might as well make an entry because ya never know when you'll look back at this and be like, wow thats when first met you! Well, ok, I didn't really meet her yesterday. I actually met her sometime ago and had already put her on my facebook but never really took notice before ya know? Her name is Leah and she lives in Bruce and is rather funny...in a good way of course. Shes from Grandberry and is a Bassoon performance major. We talked online for a while last night and she said she was watching clockwork orange, which I have never seen, and I asked if i could come over and borrow it. So after she was finished I went over and only planned on staying for just a moment, but then I really wanted to see how they make reeds since I had always heard about woodwind players making them and was just really curious. Well I ended up staying for like an hour. When I came back I was joking around on how I stayed longer than I thought and she said, "it was nice having you." I responded with, ":) your not so bad to hang out with your self." she said, "hehe *blush*" Its so cute when girls do that, the blush thing. Anyways, now its time for Thanksgiving and watching Clockwork Oragne...FINALLY!!

Ben Folds = Awesome

Saturday I went to the Ben Folds concert and it was the awesomness. He played for a solid two hours and puts on a really good show. The interesting part is how me and Lili got there...

The original plan was for us to rent a car and drive there. We needed to rent a car because only two of the four of us going even had a car, but both were broken. Well Sebatian shows up Saturday afternoon and they say, "that will be a $300 deposit on your credit card." Problem, none of us have credit cards. So at this point it became every man for him self. It just so happens that thursday night I met one of Liesl's friends named Julie who just happened to be going to the show and said if I needed a ride I should call her. Well, I quickly got on the phone and called her and BEGGED her to let us come with her. The only reason me and Lili got to go was because two people just happened to drop out and say they couldn't go at the last minute. Sooo, we got to go and it was totally worth all the worrying and trouble everyone had to go through to get there.

Today I saw someone on iTunes through the UNT network that had a recording on Saturdays show so I...borrowed.... it from him :) Its awesome, Ben is awesome, Julie is awesome, we are all awesome!

The Many Moods of Patrick

Today I felt...

1. Thrilled - The Superman Returns teaser trailer came online tonight! ITS SO AWESOME!!

2. Mildly Amused - We had a gig down in Ft. Worth last night at the Wreck Room. It was pretty cool. We played for almost 2 hours and some girl came up and wanted to play guitar and sing so we let her. Then this other guy wanted to play bass so we let him play too. We had a lot of fun.

3. Mildly Depressed - Laura gave me the "lets just be friends" talk yesterday.

4. Really Depressed - I lost my Metallica beenie that Angelica gave me last year. In my drunken stuper I messaged her on facebook to apologize for loosing it. She responded back today telling me it was alright and that she still feels bad for loosing my ring too.

5. Sick - I drank so much at the show that I puked when I got home.

6. Totally Miserable - After loosing one of the few remaining things I have that Angelica gave me and throwing up, my emotions had had enough and I broke down. Luckily, Liesl came over to comfort me for a while so that helped.

7. Hung Over - I had a head ake until about 3pm.

iPod Family

I wanted to see all the iPods next to each other in the order that they came out so I made this picture. I think its pretty cool :)

Doubling Up

Yesterday was one of the most hectic days I've had in a long time. I went to class from 10-12pm, then had to go to kharma at 1 and finish the script for my French presentation today. As Dustin and I were there, Shannon came in and said hi for a bit. I was going to go talk to her after we were finished but she left shortly after. Then I had the amazing task of trying to memorize two and a half pages of French in one day! I spent the following few hours trying to learn this stupid thing and the whole time I'm thinking about going out later in the night. So 8:30 roles around and Laura calls so I gather up Travis and Jennifer and went off to go get her at her place.

We went to The Olive Garden and pretty much just had a lot of fun. Travis and Jennifer said they really liked her and thought that she looked very comfortable around me. I told her when we said goodnight that if she ever wanted to hang out again that she should feel free to call me any time. Over all I had a good time and hey, that's all I can ask for.

By the time I got home I was so tired and just beat down that I crashed at about midnight only to wake up really early and begin to study my skit again. I think it went pretty well. It was so funny no one wanted to go after us. They all said, "geez how can we follow that!?!" It was great. Well, I guess I'm going to spend some time in kharma.

Lunch Again

So today I had lunch with Laura again. Things went well I think. We went to Mr. Chopsticks and I had the pork over rice and she had...something I can't remember. After we stayed there for about an hour I asked her if she wanted to come hang out in my house for a while so we came back to my room and hung out...for like 3 hours lol.

We are going to see each other again Monday night when me, her, Travis, and Jennifer all go out to dinner. Me and Travis talked about it yesterday and they both were on board so I asked her today and she said yes. So that should be really fun.

The Infamous Shannon

Today we got let out of history early, so I went and got my weekly comic books, and went to kharma to read. But when I got there I ran into an old friend of mine...Shannon!! Shannon, if you'll go back to my entry on July 5th, is a girl I had in a communication class a few semesters ago. After that class, I saw her at a Christmas party that me and Angelica went to. She was single, I was not. Then I ran into her on July 4th at a Party Amy and Josh took me too. I was single, she was not. Now today I find out that she is single, I am single. Unfortunately, she is single as of 2 weeks ago....Ouch.... So we talked about what its like to break up and all the crappiness that comes with it. Then I plugged my gig tonight and she said she might stop by and see us, so that would be awesome. As I did this summer after being dumped, she is trying to get a job and work a lot lately. She also said she might start coming to Kharma more often so I'll hopefully see her around. Turns out her ex is already seeing someone else and she's still trying to hang out with him! I don't know about you guys, but I have never been the one to be able to do that for very long. Even me and Desiree stopped hanging out after about a month of being broken up. Well, I wish her the best of luck on figuring out how to get over this guy because I've been single for almost 6 months now and still find moments when I have to slap my self for various reasons. Well, here's hoping we play well tonight and that a lot of people show up.

The Letter

This letter can be heard at the end of the song Violence by Blink 182. I think its pretty amazing so I thought I'd share it.

"My dearest, I've missed you very, very much since that last night we were together. And I'll hold that night especially in my memories for years to come. I've been turning it over and over in my mind lately. I've read your letter through at least four times, and will probably read it more times before I'm through. I've been sitting here, looking at your picture, and getting more homesick every minute. I've wanted that picture more than anything else I know of, except of course, you yourself. I keep thinking of you darling. I keep wishing I could be home with you. I want to leave in the worst possible way so I can come home to see you, but, things don't look so good on that subject. And this war has spoiled a lot of things for everyone I guess. I've never been so lonesome in my life as I am right now. I'm completely lost with out you darling. I never realized I could miss any one person so much. I just hope it won't be too much longer until I am able to be with you again, and live a sane and normal life."

Interesting Times

Since my last post we have been in the recording studio twice. The first time was pretty cool. We got Hard to Be done and tried to put down Amanda, but it ended up sucking really bad. So the next time we went we scrapped what we had done on Amanda and just spent the whole time on that. Only problem was that Jason, the producer, blew up at me because he thought I was complaining about him taking to long to set and wouldn't even listen to what actualy happened. Now he is all threatening to not allow me to come back or to not allow me to use his set next time. Whatever, I dont need his stuff anyway. And if he isn't going to allow me to come back because of something stupid like that, fine, I'll find Vick another drumer to go into the studio with them. These songs are easy that I know plenty of drummers who would be only to happy to fill in for me. He is just being an ass hole. So anywayz, we still have two songs to finish eventualy, so I have to go back eventually.

My birthday was last week. I got to go home and see the brothers and my mom for a while and spend some time at my moms house. I also saw Corps Bride and Saw II, both of which I thought were great movies. Nicholas gave me a black hat that has a Superman S on it, Jeremy gave me that Ben Folds piano book i wanted and $100, and my mom helped me pay for a new video camera at Walmart. Its on lay-away so I have to keep going up there and making payments on it or else they put it back up for sale. I also had Lili, Travis, and Jennifer take me out to Lou's and get me really trashed :) Before that Son took me out to Applebee's and bought me a ton of food. Then before that I hung out with Travis, Sabrina and Oscar and we carved pumpkins. Laura was there for a little while, but she left to see her roommates dance thingy in deep elum.

Speaking of Laura, we had lunch today together. It was really cool. I had band practice right before hand so I ended up getting to The Tomato at 2:25 and she was already waiting on me. Woops. I mean we had said 2:30, so I was 5min early, but I dont like when people have to wait on me. Hopefully she wasn't waiting for long. So like I said we got there at 2:30 but didn't end up leaving until 4pm! It didn't really seem like we had been there for that long. Every time I would think the conversation was about to die one of us had something else to say. I did kinda feel stupid when we said goodbye though because when she said thanks for inviting me, I said, "no probelm. Do you want to do it again sometime?" she said sure and I actualy said, "cool, I'll call you."..........I'll call you??............Did I really just say that? I know its not a big deal, but I dont call anyone. I talk to them online. And its such a standard line.......I'll call you.........lame. Oh well.

Good Luck Mr. Stewart

So tomorrow is the big day, my first day to get into a recording studio! I'm trying to find a video camera I can take in and film us recording,but no one seems to have one.Oh well, it will still be totaly awesome. We practiced last night and ran through all the songs we wanted to record. I have to admit some of these songs are starting to sound really good now that we have put some real time into them. We are probably going to lay down Hard To Be, Amanda, and hopefully Stublin because I really like that song. Tomorrow we have from 1-7pm to do everything we can before we have to leave.

I went out The Garage last night and holy crap that place is different on Thursdays! We got let in for free though since the guys know us from playing there so often. They were having some kind of beauty contest with the girls there so all of the girls were dressed "nicely." We watched them all trying to strut their stuff and such before I left to go home.

To many Laura's!!

Well its been a few days so I figure its time for an update. The interview with Laura isn't going to happen because it turns out her paper has to be on mental disabilities. I messaged her on facebook offering her help on finding resources since between me and my mom we know just about every major doctor in TX. That was a few days ago and she never responded back so I guess she either doesn't need my help or doesn't want it, either way, no skin off my nose.

Surprisingly enough I met another girl named Laura the Friday night at Lucky Lou's waiting for Liesl to show up for her bday. Well ok I didn't actually meet her that night, I met her in Kharma some time before but I don't remember that. We hung out for a while at the bar then went to Jimmy John's to try to eat off our would-be hang overs. After that, since I had put a few drinks in me already I actually had the balls to ask her back to my place to hang out for a while. I know I know, very unlike me, but damn it I had to do something besides let her walk home in the cold. So we hung out in my room for what seemed like 30-45min I guess until she finally got tired and said she needed to go. She told me to call her when I have another show but I figure I'll call her sooner to hang out sometime, get some coffee or something.

My roommates are all planning on leaving the house here when the lease is up on Dec 1 so now I have to look for more roommates. I thought Travis would want to come live here but he thinks this house is to crappy for him. So whatever, let him pay his $450 a month for his small apt that he has to drive or take the bus to get to school for. I'm staying right here thank you very much. This house will be even better with out the junkiness and laziness of these people here. If I can get roommates who will take care of this place with me this house can be awesome again.

TTFN

A Small Splurge

So far no word from Laura (the interview girl. Turns out her paper has to be on mental disabilities only so that kinda rules me out as an option. I did however send her a message on facebook telling her I'd help her grab sources if she would like since I know people she could talk to and my mom works at a place that owns hospitals.

In the past 24 hours I have spent a good sum of money. First off, instead of shipping in my iBook to fix the internal mic which is pretty pointless anyway, I just bought a better external USB mic off of Newegg.com last night. With shipping, the cost came to about $24. Then today me and Son went around trying to find either a better one or a cheaper one, but when we didn't I began to look around for more toys :) I thought to my self that a battery back up would be nice to have since I have about 10 things sitting on my desk now. Well as I was walking around with that I was walking around the printer aisle and thought you know I'm tired of having to either borrow Josh's printer or walk over to the GAB to print something so why don't I get a printer instead? So I did :) I got an HP Deskjet 5440. Its kinda on the old side but it wasn't used and was only $80. Well after that I realized that with this USB printer, I don't have anymore USB ports to use it with because they are all full so I had to buy a 4 port USB hub. I also bought some blank CD-Rs since I had finally run out after about a year of the same 50 stack, if not longer. So the total for todays expenses was about $120. My printer is so awesome though and wow it was so easy to install on my iBook. Horray Macs!

I'll Take Option #3 Bob

So last night at the show, I met a girl named Laura who was one of the friends Travis brought. She seemed cool from the few minutes I got to talk to her in between sets and hanging with Jeremy. So tonight Travis IMs me and is like hey she was just at my place and she wanted your number. I was like reeeealllyyyy.....Then he says ok dont be offended. WTF?? Im thinking, great this can't be good news. Then he told me why she wanted my number, which she got by the way. She needs to do a paper for on a person who has a disability!! WTF! ***Breathe*** Its for some special ed class she's taking and they have to interview someone and do a paper about it. So lets look at what I could say...

1) No
2) Hell No
3) I need to get to know you better first before I share some of my most personal life experiences with you since in order to do this right, thats what will happen.
4) Yes no problem

Now, if I hadn't met her last night, I would very much give her number 1. But according to Travis she is a really cool girl and she wouldn't try to like exploit me and "seemed very excited" to talk to me. Now is she excited because she has a way to do her paper now or does she want to get to know me? Now to figure all this out I turned to the wisest person I know of....Nicholas (my middle brother). He said he liked the idea of at least getting to know her a little better before agreeing to do this which I like because I dont want to be a dick about it, I mean I do want to help her simply because Travis is a good friend of mine and she is a friend of his. So if she calls me tomorrow, which is more than likely, I will ask her to come to lunch or dinner with me tomorrow so that I can get to know her a little. You know, see what kind of person she is, see if I am confertable with how she's going to use my personal life for this paper. Also, I want information on what this class is about and what this paper is specificaly looking for.

I friended her on facebook last night after the show and she sent me a message tonight making a joke about my creepy picture I have on there. It made me laugh which is plus one in her favor. So, we'll see how all this pans out when she calls me. I'll post again and keep you up to date when it happens.

Book'em Baby!!

Well tonight was an interesting night. We again played another gig at The Garage's open mic night. Jeremy came up this time because he had the week off for a new holiday called "Fall Break" that the high schools are having now. I also got Desiree to come in so that's 2 people this week I got to come. So now lets count the people that didn't come...Hiba, Heidi, Lili again, Sarah, Eric, Amanda, and Adree. Well turns out Vick made up for all of them anyway by bringing in about 20 people just by him self. He had a ton of people from his home town come up just for this one show. Final count was 30 but you only get counted if you say, "Im here for Vick Aben." And to make things even better, the only people who played tonight were us and our friend Tanner. So that means that two bands got to split almost 4 hours of time. So me, vick and travis went on at about 11:15 and played a few songs, then brought Dustin and Oscar on with us and played for another 30min. Then Tanner played a 45min set followed by at least another 30min by me, Vick, and Travis. The best part was that all the songs we played for the last 30min set we had never even played before! We just pulled them out of our asses and they sounded good!! Of course, everyone in the place was lit up by then so they wouldn't have cared if they were bad or not, but I cared and we played decently for never have played any of them before.

After all was said and done, the guy counted out our money and paid us....finally! Divided up me, Vick, and Travis got $15 a piece while Dustin (who had only been with us for 24 hours) and Oscar (who was only suppose to play on like 3 songs but for some reason played on ALL of them!!! BOOO) only get $5. But hey, we three played 3 times the amount of music they did. I know $5 is crappy, but damn there wasn't much to start with. Also on good news, WE ARE GETTING BOOKED! WOOT WOOT! Thats right, since we did such a good job tonight we are getting a real time slot on the weekend next month. YAY! It's going to be so cool to play a real show on a real night with a ton of people in there!

So yes, tonight was an interesting night

Horray! Booo!!

Lets see, well last night was kinda cool, but today hasn't been to exciting yet. Last night I went to Jack in the Box to grab some food before I went to bruce. As I was walking up to the door, Pat was coming in too so that was nice to have someone to eat with. After we walked back to Bruce, I watched the last 30min or so of Battlestar Galactica. To bad it was a repeat. I got kinda bored and almost went home but Ellen came down and asked if I wanted to go to Jack in the Box with her and her friend Jessica so of course I said yes. So I went back and got frys and a drink. Then went and FINALLY saw the first half of the movie Chicago. The first half is a lot more....rescay....than the second half. After that, I called Lili since I hadn't seen her in about a week or longer and got her to come to kharma and have some coffee. It was good talking to her in person this time instead of online. We hung around for a few hours and then eventually made our ways home. When I got back to my house I remembered Heidi was working 12-4 at Crumely so I decided to get online and see how she was doing. I ended up talking to her for a few hours and just keeping her company. She seems pretty cool. She said she may come out to the show Monday night and bring a friend too so there's at least $4 for us to split :) Not to mention it will just be nice to have her come out.

Today worked sucked. We only rented one movie because we brought one from home. We rented the Manchurian Canidate but we were so busy that by 3 we hadn't finished it yet so we went to lunch. When we came back, the front desk worker had come in to do work today and this lady is the higher ups watch dog, so we couldn't even have my laptop out while she was there. By the time she finally left it was 5:10. So we popped the movie back in and finished it not to long after 6. So ya, it took us almost 6 hours to finish a 2 and a half hour movie!! What a bitch of a day, but at least last night was cool.

Journal Reborn

Hey everyone and welcome to the home of my new journal, or you can call it by the new name everyone is using lately...Blog (short for the phrase web log) So welcome to my blog. As you can see I have transfered all my old journal entries over here from Zobarstyl.com so can still new all those if you want to. One of the main reasons for the switch was because editing on my mac had become...well....not fun. I mean if I want to update the home page or pictures thats one thing, but the diary was just becoming a hasle especialy trying to make the side calanders!

So lets see whats been going on lately. I guess I should tell you about whats going on with Eric. A few weeks ago, while I was hanging out with Megan in Kharma, a guy came and sat with us. Said his name was Eric. The whole night all we three did was talk about old relationships and the trials and hard times we had been through....so a pitty party. Most of what I said had to deal with Angelica of course but because Megan knows her, I never mentioned her name directly. A few days go by and I'm sitting in Kharma again when all the sudden Angelica comes in as Eric just happns to be walking out. To my surprise, they stop, happily say hello to each other, HUG, say a few words then Eric left. Imagine the look on my face when a guy I have just pretty much told the majority of the bad things about Angelica to, turns out to ACTUALY KNOW HER!

Well, two days ago, I decide to figure out whats really going on here. I see him in Kharma sitting wth this girl so I go ask if I can sit to which he agrees. Sure enough, after about a minute he asks, hey didn't you go out with Angelica? I said yes. He said, "do you remember hearing about me? I'm Kim's ex boy friend, the one who moved away to Virgina." Kim is Angelica's best friend and now college roommate. And yes, I remember hearing about him. We sit there and talk about what happened in both of our relationships and how they both pretty much went to shit. Turns out he thinks they are both as crazy as I do!! WOO HOO! He says he still talks to Angelica sometime, but hasn't spoken to Kim in a long time. He actually asked me to go with him to surprise visit the both of them at Kerr. I was like, FUCK NO! Well, like the song says, it's a small world after all.

The girl he was sitting with that night, Amanda, was soon joined by her best friend, Adrey. We all hung out that night until about 2am and the girls invited me and him to go bowling tonight, so that's where I'm off to now. I'm sure you'll get a post soon on how it turned out.

Shitty but ok

I feel like talking, but since no one is around to talk to or online, I am reduced to just typing it in here. The last few days have been...well...depressing. I'm not sure why either. I'm sure seeing Angelica last night didn't help any. First time I've seen her in a few weeks although it feels like I see her everyday for some reason. Today was another thursday which means me and Son had all day to hang out. We went to lunch and then went back to Bruce to hang around. I sware every time I'm over there I comoe home bumed out. Sometimes I just feel like I don't belong anywhere in this town anymore. I don't fit in with the people I live with really but I don't fit in with the people at Bruce either. Maybe this is just what real life is about. Maybe real life is about being alone and having to coupe with that fact. I often think of my brother Nicholas and how he has lived in Waco for the past few years pretty much by him self. I know he has friends and hangs out with them but his best friend is still in Dallas and I know he hasn't had a girl friend since he has been there. I talked to him a few days ago which is always good to do. We can talk for hours about everything when we get on the phone together.

On a brighter side of things though, I think I have a lunch date tomorrow although I'm not sure what exactly happened when I asked. It didn't feel like I was getting my point accross. Well we'll see what happens when I remind her tomorrow. Also, I made the front page of the NT Daily today. Last night I went to Bruce where I played lobby twister. Lili came over to take pictures and sure enough, the next day there I am right on the front page. If only there had been an article about it on there too and not just some random picture of people playing twister. Oh well. My external casing for my 120gig hard drive should be here tomorrow afternoon sometime so that will be sweet to set up and get going. Jeremy says he wants all my music when he takes my computer, only problem is that all my music is on my 120gig and there is to much of it to fit on the 10gig which is what he is taking. So I'm gonna have to pick and choose or just burn a shit load of cds for him. Supergrover had our first practice last week as well which went pretty good. If nothing else, it was fun to hang out with all of them again at once and just rock out for a while. Well thats it for now.

Working with out Joseph

Well here we are, another weekend has come and another saturday has gone by with me pretty much getting paid to watch 2 movies with Brendan. Today we watched Team America and House of the Flying Daggers. Both movies were excellent by the way. This morning though, before work, I was surfing eBay and saw a 40gig color iPod going for about $120 with only 30min left on it. So I sat around until there was 1min left, then bid on it and won! Now I didn't pay for it right away because its always good to talk to the person to make sure your not getting scamed first. Well later on that night I get an email from Ebay saying they pulled the auction because "there is a chance the sellers information may have been comprimised." So luckily since I hadn't paied him yet, no harm comes to me. But that still really sucks that I lose out on having that color iPod. UNT had their first football game at home today and they got killed 58-2. Ya I heard it was really sad.

Well Josephs been gone for about a week now and things are a bit different I guess. Going to Bruce is very different now. Usually, when I got tired of talking to freshman I could just go to Josephs, but now its like, well I guess I get to walk home unless I can find a reason to stay around. Some of them are ok to talk to but alot of them I just don't really care to get to know them. Oh well, tomorrow's another day.

Say goodbye Joseph

Ah yes, another few days have gone by and I'm at least figureing out this dreamweaver enough to where I can update my the text on here ok. Im starting to see some lag issues with my keyboard on this computer. I dont know why but there is definitly lag coming from the connection somehow. It's really bad in Dreamweaver too, but only with the keyboard, not the mouse.

Joseph went home for the semester with Mono yesterday, so there goes the one reason I had to be in Bruce. He told me to take care of the freshman for him, but exactly who is he refering too? Most of them wont even give me the time of day much less care what I have to say. A few exceptions might be some of the guys and maybe one or two girls, other than that, they can pretty much make their own choises with out me. I told Chloe online a few nights ago that I had been trying to not over stay my welcome over there and she said, "but your the one with all the stories." This is true, but I've told most of them and when I did tell them nobody seemed to care much.

I went to a park tonight with Lili, Chris, and Sarah and it was pretty fun. Me and Lili ended up talking about relationships and life and such which was awesome. Unfortunitly, right as I was really starting to open up Sarah was like, I'm tired can we go? I was like damn it no!! I really hadn't opened up like that to anyone in a long time. I guess we just want someone to listen every now and again. Ok well, a short entry tonight. I'll check back in later.

New iBook, New Bruce

Tada! It finally came in....WOOT!! Ive been using my iBook so much lately that I've been forgetting about my site here. I haven't found a good HTML editor for macs, so I cant update this as much as I would like to. And when Jeremy takes the PC away, updates will stop all together if I cant find one soon. So lets see what else has happened lately...

Classes started up again last week. After the normal fiasco of getting my schedule right and paying for everything, things are going good. I made an A on my first French Lab quiz and have a quiz in French tomorrow which I should be alright at. I'm having to cut back on my hours at work by almost half because of stupid SSI rules. What a pain in the ass. I got on SSI because I couldn't work, now I cant work because I have SSI...bastards.

So lets talk about the dorm... Bruce is very different this year. New hall director that has a giant dog, half of the RA staff is new, and I swear to God it must have only had a 15% return rate...if that! I''ve never seen such a high turn over rate for the residents like this year. Most of them are your typical freshman...excited, impressionable, innocent....all of which will change by the time this year is over. Many of them have already begun to hook up which each other. In fact Josephs new roommate hooked up with some girl in like 4 days! Should be interesting to see how the chips fall in the coming months. I tried to be friends with them at first, but I got the feeling they think I'm the old looser hanging around the dorm still. So I've decided to take more of the Son angle and try to be the cool guy who they see every now and again. The last few days I've made my apperances short and simple. When I am there I dont say much and kind of stand off in the distance and try not to look like I'm trying. Well, thats the idea anyway. Don't really know how its working. I dont want to be "that creepy guy" to anyone especially in the place where I can actually call my home more than the place where I'm living right now. I've spent more time under that roof than any other place my mom or I have lived since i was 16! I just want to make some new friends and try to help out when needed.

and of course....the ex is still around....I'll run into her about once a week or so in kharma....so yeppie.

dun dun duh!!!

I have finally saved up enough money to buy what I have wanted for so long.....the iBook. My new laptop should be arriving hopefully at the end of next week or the first few days of class the following week. I have put it on 2-3 day delivery and the order will take 3-5 business days to begin shipping. I was floating around the web today and wanted to take a peek at what the box will look like when the computer comes and found a really good page with some great pictures. I noticed that he had named his iBook and the PC that he use to have before he switched. I have on more than one occasion thought about naming my computers too. Lets see, so far I have owned 2 PCs and now 1 Mac. The Apple IIe and Gateway PC my family has owned don't count because I didn't personally call them mine. I thought about it for a while and could only think of a name for my new iBook. I had to look at it logically to find a good name though. But of course, it wouldn't be right if I didn't do the introduction properly..........

Cyber space, the final frontier. I am a voyager on the iBook, Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new things, to seek out new programs and new applications. To boldly go where no one in my family has gone before!!

Enterprise is the name of every great exploration vehicle for the last 100 years. The first space shuttle was named this, one of the first steam boats on the Mississippi river was named this, the first nuclear aircraft carrier is named this, Britan's flag ship back in the late 1800s was named this, and of course lets not forget that the first starship from earth was named this. So its only fitting that another Patrick Stewart have another adventure....at the helm of Enterprise.

Happy B-Day Mom

Today was the day we decided to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday....geez...is she really 50? I'm sure she's asking her self the same question right now. I still remember her 40th birthday when I was 12. I got her a book, Nicholas got her a cd, and Jeremy helped her buy a TV. She got a 30 inch HDTV. She just got a better paying job so she'll be making almost $8,000 more a year and since all of us take care of our selves (most of the time) she can save up. She really wants a flat panel that she can hang on the wall. Only problem with that is that they cost a few thousand dollars but she said that her and Jeremy will come back at x-mas and buy one after she has saved up enough money. I mean, hey I guess thats cool, its not like I, Jeremy, or Nicholas need that money now. It's her money.

And now a development in the iBook struggle....

We went to Fry's to look for a TV and after about 30min of keeping my mom company looking at boring TVs, I snuck away to the apple section to check out the iBooks. As I was there, Jeremy came up and I told him that I was saving up to buy one. Well little did I remember that he purchased most of the PC that I am using right now except for the keyboard/mouse, video card which is Travis', and the 120gig hard drive....and he wants them back. Now this is actualy fair game because he did buy them out of his own pocket and I guess its only fair that I give this to him if I get a new one. The down side? I can kiss my days of City of Heroes good bye for good including any hopes I had of playing City of Villians when it comes out next year. The only games I would really be able to play is Warcraft III, World of Warcraft, Starcraft, and Doom 3. This also means that my days of laning with Travis and the gang are pretty much over unless they play those games. Am I willing to make THAT BIG of a switch......YEP! I didn't need games before city of heroes and I wont afterwards either. I will miss them true, but it will be worth it in the long run. But there is good news about Jeremy finding out...he told my mom. Now why is this good you ask? Well my mom said she paid off my credit card today, which I didn't ask her to do by the way because I was paying it off fine with out her to start with. But that frees up $700 in credit.....hm...... this means that I could pay $700 in credit card and about $600 in cash and order this thing ALOT sooner than I had planned which is awesome!! I could actualy get this ordered by the end of August instead of the end of September! WOOT! Here's hoping......

Mystery Girl and Apple Computers

Alright, today's entry is about two topics...Apple Computers and the Mystery Girl (Katy). But which to start with....hm....

Ok computers first. Now a few entries ago I had talked about buying a Mac and at the time I thought it sounded like a good idea. Well it was....just misguided. Instead of buying a Mac mini which is worth about $500, I will be buying an Apple 12" iBook which is their low end laptop Now why you ask am I getting a laptop? First of all I am the most unorganized person when it comes to school I've ever seen. Joseph can testify to my giant stack of papers that use to pile up beside my desk every semester. I am also t ired of writing my notes every damn day. Its 2005, no one should have to write much of anything any more in this day an age and you know what, I wont have to either now. Instead of having multiple spirals, one for each class, I will simply have my notes on my laptop which I can take anywhere... to kharma perhaps...and read them there. Second, and most important, I want a way to crea te music on the fly. Im tired of being somewhere and hear something in my head of finding an idea and not being able to do something with it. With my iBook comes a program called GarageBand. Imagine this as a most bad ass music creating program that comes with all Macs now. This program will allow me at any time, to put down what I have thought of. Or lets say Im hanging out with Travis or the band and want to quickly record what we have just played to hear what it sounds like, I can quickly record a track on to the computer, add in built in loops of all kinds of intstruments over it, and hear what the song might sound like. I can do the same thing if Nicholas ever wants to jam sometime. I will be uping the hard drive to 100gigs and eventualy buying a gig of third party ram. The final price for all this is.... $1,039, which means I will need to save $1,139 to cover the cost of taxes. Its free shipping because I am a student :) In my estimates, it will take me until about the end of September to save up, order, and recieve this so until then I will go to work every day and never go home early or take a day off. Ok on to topic two, Mystery Girl (katy)

A few weeks ago, I started to see this girl in Kharma every day....no really....every day. She comes in around 4pm, sits at a table by her self, puts head phones on and begins to write in the same spiral notebook. After weeks of not wanting to disturb her for fear of her being like, "Hey im busy so fuck off," I decided to take the plunge and interupt her anyway. On Tuesday, I went up to her table and asked, "hey can I sit here for a second?" To which she replied soothingly, "Im sorry, Im really working on this story." I said, "Well I've seen you in here everyday for like 3 weeks and I've wanted to come say hi but you always looked busy so today I just said well I might as well go find out what your name was so I can be like 'hey thats so and so.'" She laughed (always good) and said her name was Katy. She has long brown hair, frekles, really cute legs and a great smile. Anyway, that was about all I said because I didn't want to intrude any more than I already had so I told her I'd let her get back and said see ya around. Im pretty sure I had a retarded grin on my face the whole time...oh well. The next day, as usual, she came in just as i was going out and she was looking for an ash tray so I let her have the one at my table. Today, she was in there....again....but I did not try to say hi. She did tell me to try to catch her when she wasnt writing so perhaps one day I'll catch her on an off moment and say hi again and get to know her. So thats the story of Mystery Girl....and my new iBook :)

Wisdom Teeth and a sighting...

Yea I know it's been a while since my last entry but whatever. So lets see, I got my wisdom teeth pulled so I'm still recovering from that. I apparently have something called "Dry Socket" which means the hole didn't cover completly so now I have an exposed nerve and it hurts really bad. I will be ordering my Mac Mini sometime towards to middle or end of August. After about two days of budgeting and planning I figured I will have enough to buy the middle version of the mini. I got to play piano for Lili over in Crumely the other day which was awesome. The reason I started to learn piano was so I could play for people so whenever I get the chance to play for someone I take it. Joseph from work has moved in with me temporarily. He didn't have a place to stay and I didn't want him living in his van for a few weeks, so I offered him our empty room. Our cat got hit by a car last weekend so today we got a new one. Its a cute little kitten and I'm sure we will have tons of "fun" with this one. No name has been picked yet but I'm leaning towards Mega Man. On a minor note, I went to a small get together of friends tonight where my lovely ex girlfriend was there. Luckily Brendan didn't want to stay long so I left with him after about 30min of making happy talk. It doesn't bother me that she was there, just more annoying I suppose, but you deal with it and move on....whatever. I've been seeing more of Travis lately which is kinda cool. Since he isn't to wound up in his classes this semester he has more time to hang out. We usualy just watch a movie or go get some food but hey, thats what I miss doing ya know? Just hanging out late at night and talking about things. We were always really good at that when we lived in Bruce. I went to Beth Maries tonight to go see Lili and Amber. Since I dont eat ice cream I just got cookies and a water. I'm probably the only person they know who will go to an Ice Cream parlor and not ever get ice cream. Work still sucks. Life is better than I thought it was. School is coming soon. I miss my family. Oh Brandon got married last weekend and I caught the garder....again. I wasn't surprised that I caught it but I think Brandon was. You know most guys who catch it are like crap, i dont want a chick but I'm like, damn it I've caught this 5 times in my life and I'm still fucking single! I guess thats irony for you though. Well alright, time to go watch Brendan kill some people on battlefield 2.

A long talk with the wise Brothers

So this weekend I went home and finally got to see both of my brothers at the same time! We saw Willy Wonka and the best part was that I actualy got Nicholas to come up here and hang out with me in Khmara!! WOO HOO! Finally after me sitting in there day after day and listening to all the old guys talk about my brother and ask when he is coming back, I got him in there for coffee. It was certainly a fun time. We just sat and talked for over an hour like we normally do about all kinds of stuff. Ok ok....mostly about music and girls. But come on, what else are we going to talk about? We are two young adult guys, is there anything else to talk about?? Nicholas also got a car this weekend which means he SHOULD be able to come up here and hang out sometime. He needs to get his guitar gear up here and we are gonna rock out hard core style. Man its been years since the last time we jammed and I miss it greatly. I mean playing with my band is awesome dont get me wrong, but its my bother, and there is nothing like rocking out with your brother. So until we meet again bro, keep rocking out and my drums are waiting for you.

Still Fighting It - Ben Folds

Everybody knows, it hurts to grow up, and everybody does.

its so weird to be back here, well let me tell you what,

the years go on and we're still fighting it, we're still fighting it.

FUCK FUCK FUCK

I WILL NOT LET HER RUN MY LIFE! I WILL NOT LET HER CONTROL MY EMOTIONS! I WILL NOT LET HER EFFECT THE WAY I LIVE MY LIFE OR MY DAILY ACTIVITIES. WHO THE FUCK CARES IF SHES IN KHARMA OR MY HOUSE! I RUN MY LIFE, ITS MY LIFE, ITS MY LIFE.....ITS MY LIFE.....I WILL NOT LET HER RUN MY LIFE ANYMORE! I WILL NOT ALLOW HER TO CONTROL ME! I WILL NOT ALLOW MY PAST TO EFFECT THE FUTURE! I WILL NOT ALLOW IT, ITS MY LIFE.....MY LIFE.....MY LIFE......ITS TIME I WAKE UP AND LIVE MY LIFE FOR ME AND NOT FOR OTHERS! MY LIFE IS MY LIFE, NOT HERS. ITS MY LIFE MY LIFE MY LIFE. I WILL NOT LET OLD FEELINGS THAT DONT HOLD ANY VALUE ANY MORE GET IN THE WAY OF MY LIFE.....ITS MY LIFE.....I DONT CARE WHO SHE SEES OR WHERE SHE GOES...ITS MY LIFE....I DONT CARE, ITS MY LIFE NOW, SHE DOES NOT CONTROL ME, SHE DOES NOT CONTROL MY THOUGHTS OR FEELINGS.....ITS MY LIFE!!

Wishful Dreaming

Dear Journal Readers,

Wow I guess its been almost a week since I last wrote in here. I guess with work and Joseph coming into town and such, I haven't had really been paying attention to this. Well how are you guys doing? Good I hope. I had this dream last night that I was dating this girl I know. Shes friends with my roommates and I hang out with her at Kharma sometimes. Anywayz, in my dream, after we had been dating for a while I realized that I was dreaming. When I told her that it was a dream she told me, "I dont care if this is a dream, you have to come find me. If this is a dream, what ever you do, come find me because we should be together." I called her twice today to hang out but no answer. I asked a friend and found out shes out of town right now anyway. Its dreams like that that make you wonder what dreams really are. I mean, how do I take that dream? Do I chalk it up to being just another weird odd dream or do I take it as a message to go out and do something about it? I for one am not taking the chance of it being a message and then not do anything about it. Yes it's probably just a silly dream, but damn it all, I'm going to find out. I know she's leaving for Baton Rouge in Aug, so even if a miracle happened and we ended up together or something it wouldn't last very long and even if it did it would be a long distance thing with no way I could ever come see her. Well, whatever then. Is it bad that I'm sitting here hoping I have that same dream again tonight? Why is it that lately, I seem to be happiest when I'm dreaming? I miss being happy when I am awake, like really happy. It's been a while since my awake happiness could match my dream happiness. I find comfort in thinking that maybe, just maybe, there is a girl out there right now sitting at her computer, typing in a journal entry and thinking t

4th of July

So.....Hi.....How are you doing? I'm doing alright. Tomorrow is the first Wednesday of the month which means that the new Superman comic comes out tomorrow. When I was at home this weekend for the 4th I brought up all my comics that I had stashed away. I had more than I thought I would honestly. So after work today I put them all in their little holders and put those into the binder. I surprisingly have a lot of the Reign of the Supermen series. I have enough to piece together the story line anyway. In other news, yesterday was the 4th of July so my family did our annual Kaboom Town trip in Addison. That was on the 3rd so when I got back up here on the 4th me, Josh, and Amy went to some ones house and had a crap load of food. While I was there I ran into a girl I knew named Shannon. I hadn't seen her since that X-Mas party I went to with the ex back in December. Of course, now that I'm single, she's not and neither was her TWIN SISTER who was also there. Go figure... Afterwards, us three, ashlee, sarah, and some other people went swimming in some pool somewhere in whcih Josh decided that he was going to be the only one to go skinny dipping. Most of everyone there had already seen him naked anyway. Work today was extreamly slow to start with but picked up towards the end. Son came up afterwards and we had lunch which was cool. Talked about Joseph maybe coming up this weekend which would be awesomeness. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him for a day or two. Also I bought my self some sun glasses today and thank God I did because its so damn hot and bright out now days. *Sigh* good ol' Texas Summers. Oh and to keep you up to speed on the Mac situation, upon advice from multiple people, I have decidied to hold off until I can 1) Save money and 2) wait for the system to get an upgrade here soon. Well ok thats about all for now.

Stupid job, Son's visit, and a new idea

Alright, another post to replace that long ass one I just wrote 3 days ago. So lets see...oh ya....work has really sucked these last few days. I've had shitty calls all week from people that cant just answer the damn question! And then when I try to answer them with a Pat Responce, I get in trouble for not using the right one?!?!? FUCK YOU!! URGGG......stupid job. Also in the bad news catagory, Shane has decided he is moving out which means that my rent just jumped back to $250 a month and oh ya, he "can't" p ay for this months rent even though he lived here the WHOLE TIME! AAAHHH! So good ridence to him. So you may be asking, alright Patrick, where is the good news? Well here have some good news...I bought the entire Death of Superman comic book series for $30 the other day. Thats about 7 comics I think and ya know what, it was soooo worth it. I always promised my self I would buy that comic book back after I was an idiot and traded it a long time ago when I use to have it. So I did....along with all the ones that lead up to it. Also in good news, I spent some time with Son tonight. He came up after work and we went to Applebee's. It was fun and good to hang out with him for a while. So I'm thinking about buying a Mac Mini. For those of you that dont know what that is, its a box mac that is 6.5'' by 2'' and is relatively low priced starting at $499. The basic box will get you a 40gig hard drive, 256 RAM, 1.25 G4 PowerPC, 9600 ati radion video card, and a combo dvd/cd drive. So it doesn't come with a monitor, keyboard or mouse, but I dont need it because I have a wireless keyboard and mouse that work with both so I'd just have to swhich monitors when I wanted to use the other. Also, I want to have the Mac burn dvds, so I'd need to upgrade to the Super Drive which brings the total up to like $540 or so. Now, I would never be able to afford this all at once with out saving for a few months on it...BUT...Apple has a deal where you can get this credit card, use it to buy your mac, then pay it off over a certain period of time. So, I could do that but do I really want to? Do I re ally need a Mac...no of course not...would it be helpful...yes. I would be using it for any multimedia application such as iTunes, Garage Band, iDVD, iMovie, iPhoto. which would handle all my music, pictures, videos and stuff which would free up a TON of room on my PC. In turn, my PC will continue to store my games, Microsoft Office programs (Word, Power Point, FrontPage), and probably email and AIM. So as you can see I would be using them both equally. Now Apple has this thing for students which is an Apple Credit Card that you can use to buy apple products then slowly pay them off with like an 11% interest rate which isn't to shabby. So I'd be paying about $15 a month for like....2 years. So....is it worth it?? I dont know, I'll have to think about it some more. Well thats about it for tonight.

Bitchy Rant about the X

Well I seem to be having a reaccuring theme of random emotions on this page lately, so I might as well keep it going tonight. Isn't it amazing how when you're with someone, you can't imagine what your life would be like with out them, but when you're with out them, you can't seem to remember what life was like with them? I think I've got to that point with the ex now. I seem to find my self thinking about things we did or talks we had and think holy crap, was I actualy that happy? I mean, it feels like it was all this huge fantasy world I was living in for nearly 5 months. As the Metallica song says so well, nothing else matters, when you're with that person. A particular example I was thinking about the other day was all the times she would just come in and take a nap with me. Or I would go over there and do the same. I began to think about what would happen if by some wierd chance, she just came in while I was sleeping and layed down next to me? What if I didn't realize what was going on until I woke up? Wouldn't that be the most awful situation ever to put me in? I wonder if when she gets back she will read any of these entries just to check up on me. I wonder if she still thinks about me as I think about her. I don't think she does because in the following week of our break up, I asked her once, are you as miserable through out the day as I am, and she said she was for a day or so, but then got better. I on t he other hand, remained miserable for quite some time afterward. She said she had been going to parties every night which Im sure was her friends idea. I wonder if she got laid. I wonder if she's gotten laid since she left Denton. If so, do I even want to know? I wonder what will happen when I see her again. How will I react, what will I say, what will I do? Am I thinking to much about this and shouldn't I be in bed right now??? Probably. Do I try to stay friends with her like I did with Desiree? Most of my friends will probably say no, and ya know, I never did listen to them the whole time it was going on, maybe I should this time. Could my mind even take the strain of knowing that she was with someone else? I remember how incredibly hard it was to see and hear about Desiree being with all of her guys after me so I cant even start to think about how much of a disaster it would be for me to know that she was with someone new. I know it will happen and more than likely happen soon after she returns. And by all means Im sure someone will see her with him or heaven forbid I'll run into them together.....*shudders*...... nope not ready for that one yet. How do people do this. This is such a crappy deal and I wish I could just make it all go away. Talk about emotionally destroyed. Why do I allow girls to do this to me. Out of all t he emotions humans have, why does THAT one mean so much more than the others. I wish I could hate her....I know that might seem odd to say, but you know what, it really makes things easier, but I just can't. I've tried to hate her and I just cant convince my self. Out of all the shit I went through, all the crap and stress and greif I took from Denton Bible, her parents, her family, and her friends, I STILL cant hate her. Ok yes, I have gotten to the point where I can look back and say you know, one day I'm going to be much happier with another girl but considering my girlfriends seem to come once every few years, Im left with the fact that she will be with a guy while I'm sitting at home on my computer. Fuck this, fuck her, fuck all her stupid whore friends who fuck everything they see and then act like its ok. Fuck the stupid girls out there who think Men are there fucking play toys that they can mess around with and leave for death. You know what you STD carrying bastards, I hope you all either get pregnant (those of you who haven't already), or get herpies or some other awful STD to where no man will ever want to fucking touch you again. I'm done.......for now.........

oh one more thing..............Why cant I say her name yet with out getting this odd, very uncomfertable feeling in my gut. You'll notice it hasn't appeard in this journal since April 3rd which was the 2cd entry.

Geeting The Hucklebuck

HA!!! I was right!! In my last entry I described what I wanted to happen today then described what would probably happen today. And I was soooo right. Some how, a reason came up to where me and Liz didn't get to hang out today. She said she had a sudden job interview that came up in Dallas. Who just all the sudden has a job interview that day? I mean, what business would call you THAT morning and say, hey come in at 3pm today. Give me a break! And of course she had a hockey game to go to tonight so again that was out of the question too. I'm so frustrated and tired of getting the run around. Yes, Monday was my fault, but every other day has been her fault. Saturday, Sunday, Tuesday, and today. I finally left her a message today saying that its up to her now to pick a day and time, I'm tired of picking times and having her back out on me so now its her turn. If she still wants to get together that's great, I'll still hang out with her, but if she's just giving me the hucklebuck, she nee ds to just tell me and get it over with. Good Lord.

First Day of Work and Damn Girls!

Today was my first day of official work. Started my regular 8-2pm shift and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Time actually passed by pretty fast. I didn't even really have that many calls. Which you can see on the front page by the jump in the number. That number is not an exact number by the way, I missed a few or forget to make a tally on a few of them. Again, I have been denied coffee with Liz. Saturday she had to go see a friends band play, Sunday was father's day, Monday I couldn't get off work in time, today her parents came into town, tomorrow night she "might" be going to see a hockey game so I took that as, don't count on it, so I said well then fine what about tomorrow afternoon? She said that was good. So...one more time...we are going to try to hang out for a while. It must be destiny that we not ever be allowed to hang out together. Speaking of trying to hang out with girls, I actually talked to Ginny today for the first time in a few wee ks. I just happen to catch her online for like the 10min she was on. She said she still wanted to hang ou t sometime too so I tried to set a day and time for her as well. We are suppose to try to hang out on Saturday... sometime... she didn't give me an exact time because she doesn't know. So I told her to email me or call me whenever she finds out when.... you women are so confusing!!! lol. Geez this entry makes me sound like I'm pimp or something. Hellz ya!! hahaha jk!!! So plans for tomorrow are as follows: work until 2, "TRY" to hang out with Liz again at 4 and pray to God that he actually allows it to happen this time, then if all goes well come home and chill with certain since of accomplishment. Now in reality, things will probably happen like this: work an awful job until 2 where I will be hounded for every little mistake I make, have Liz cancel on me sometime before 4 or I'll have to cancel for some odd reason that will appear, come home and sleep off my shitty mood I'll be in. Which one will happen, I'm hoping the first one.

Sarah Sullivan - the girl, the legend, the song...

So I think I've just about given up on the audio entries for now. Something about when I listen to my self read them, they never come out the way I want them to sound. No t to mention its a pain in the ass kinda to make them. So I figure I'll just go back to regular entries. I went and saw Batman Begins Wednesday night. Good lord that was awesome!! So much better than the previous two movies and probably better than the first Tim Burton Batman, but its a close call. I think that each person had their different take on the character. This new one obviously focuses on the whole "scary" factor and tried to really infasize that fear is what will keep the criminals in line. I was definitly more scared of this Batman than of all the other ones. And I like how this one stuck to the comic book more than the first movie did. So a funny thing happened to me tonight at kharma. The girl that the original version of My Life Sucks was writen about came in!! Thats right, Sarah fucking Sullivan! I was like HOLY SHIT! I hadn't seen that girl since the day I graduated high school. She came in with Philip who lives up here and also went to my high school. She only stayed for about 5min but wow, it was just very interesting to see the girl I've been singing about for the last 7 years. Pretty odd. Anywayz....hm...what else is going on....Still in training at work, but I actualy got to take 2 phone calls today WOOT! I didn't fuck up to badly. I added in a call counter on the front page so I can keep track of how many calls I've taken there. Every time I take a call I'll make a tally on a sheet of paper and at the end of the day, count them, add up the total with the existing number, then update it. So we'll see how long I stick with that one. Ok Im bored with this now lol, im done.

Horray!

Well ok so maybe life isn't so bad after all. I just went to kharma and had a good time talking with this girl. She was cool and totally cheered me up which was exactly what I needed. See, I love having a spot where I can go and meet people and just hang out and have a good time. Everyone needs a place like that, a place to get away, horray for Kharma! WOOT

Feeling Broken

Another day, another dawn. So today in the exciting life of Patrick nothing really happened again. I had the third day of training on the job and we don't have it tomorrow because th ey are being audited. I'm getting better on the scooter, I didn't fall off today which is good. I'm still kind of depressed though. I guess it hung over from yesterday morning. I don't know, those dreams just really got me going. I actualy saw her picture on the facebook today. She had changed it from what it was the last time i saw it. I didn't even want to check the profile. I was thinking about it today and I dont even want to know anything about her right now. Not about where she is or what she's doing or anything. Just not ready I suppose. I fucking hate feeling like this. I was told from a friend online that I just need more time and when I thought about it, I guess its only just now been over a month, but damn it feels like it was forever ago. That whole relationship just seems like a dream to me now. I mean I know it happened, and I know what I said and did, but its like it was a different person. Maybe I just feel that way because it hit me so hard that the little piece inside of me, lets call it "the love piece," just snapped in two. And let me tell you... that's a big damn piece. I know the time is coming soon when she will be back in Denton for summer II classes and after that its only a matter of time before I either run into her or she tries to make contact with me, which ever comes first I wish it didn 't have to happen. I still dont know what to say to her or how to act. Do I tell her off and tell her how she destroyed me or do I play it off like shes nothing to me now, which would be a lie. A part of me still wants to run up to her and say all the things I use to say to her but I know I can't. And maybe there is that 1% chance that I do that and she says them all back, then what happens? We play the secret lovers game again? I dont think so... She would still let her mom run her life and I'd still be struggling to make ends meet and fit my self into her rich little world. I dont belong with someone like that. Some rich guy with a fancy car and a big check book will end up with her and God help him. What a mess of a family that is, well I guess its only a mess if they hate you. I'm sure her mom will make sure she ends up with someone "just perfect for her little girl." BLAAA!!! Give me a fucking break. All those damn rich denton bible christian assholes can go to hell.

Enter the Scooter

Yea I know its been almost a week since I last put something in here but so what, it's mine, I can do what I want :) Well this weekend was interesting to say the least. I decided that I needed a new way to get to work for the summer because walking 20min at 7:30am every morning was just not going to work out for me. So me and my mom decided to buy an electric scooter. Now this all seemed like a great idea until we actually bought it and I tried to ride it. It took about 3 seconds to hit the accelerator and fly off, messing up my wrist pretty good. So after trying again a few times I gave up for a few hours. After dinner we took it out to the track at the jr. high and tried it out there. After hours of falling over and over and over and over, and getting extreamly fustraited to the point of tears, I stopped for the night. Let me tell you something people, I am someone who has always worked his entire life to be like everyone else and have always been able to overcome anything I've tried to do, so failing mis erably is something I take EXTREAMLY hard. I just shut my self in my room and didn't want to come out for anything. Of course my mom had to come in and try to "comfort me" when all I wanted is to just be left alone. So what happened, ya bad times happened. For a recap, examine some of the phrases that came up more than once: "Its not fair" "I should have been driving 4 years ago""If dad was still here none of this would be happenin g" The last statement I probably shouldn't have said because damn, that just opened the door to a whole new argument. Anyways, so the next day my mom's boy friend decided to follow up a suggestion I had to put training wheels on it. He took a large slap of metal, bolted it underneith the large metal top of the scooter and attached small wheels to it. It works ok for the most part. I would have prefered the wheels to be permanent and more stable. like just making it have 4 wheels, not just two wheels and two "training wheels." I may go up to home depot and buy new ones later on this week to fix that. I dont care about learning how to ride this the correct way and have no intention of ever taking those off. Its mine, I payed for it, I'm using it, I get to modify it how I want to. Not to mention for sucking my bank account dry this month, I better damn well be able to ride that with out killing my self like I did this weekend, so bigger wheels are coming soon I promise. Ok I'm done.

PS. No audio this time on purpose.

City of Heroes Update

Well time I talked about what's going on in City of Heroes. A few days ago me and one of the original members of PEF, Paragon Elite Force, my super group, and I were talking about how kind of unhappy we were with the group, so instead of trying to change the group, we just made our own with new alts. We haven't pulled our toons off of PEF because we still have friends that we like on there and we just have to much dedication to stick with them to just abandon them all together. But we have made our own group and its called The Front Line. Our motto is, "because they send the best in first." So far its going well, except for this one kid on there who is just really pissing us off. He always begs to be power leveled and is very ungrateful even when we do help him out. So me and the other leaders are probably gonna kick him out soon. Only 4 days into existence, only 9 members, and we are already gonna kick someone out. Maybe that's good though, I mean we wont put up with shit that PEF would. PEF would just ignore them and never do anything about it. Well not in this group. This will be a good group if it kills me. I built them a web page too which is what I've been up to for the last couple of days. Its nothing major, something pretty simple to do I guess. I definitely didn't think about it as much as I did this site. I used the same buttons, just changed the colors. It is kinda fun to update the roster page with new pictures and such and watch the group grow. Today was really stressful for some reason, Im not sure why. Maybe it was because I hadn't been out of the house in like 2 days, so I went to Kharma tonight and got a cup of coffee. I felt better afterwards. I talked to my mom today and she said she doesn't like reading this journal. I guess she's uncomfortable reading my personal thoughts. But I mean I would never put anything on here that I don't mind everyone else knowing. Anyway, that's it for now.

It is Finished!!!

It's FINALLY finished! I've spent the last few days working on completely remaking my portion of this web side. First I started with the buttons, made them into rollovers which I had no idea how to do until Travis told me, then I worked on the front page. It probably took 5 hours on one day, and about 2 more hours of the next day to finish that first page. For some odd reason, IE and Firefox don't read HTML the same way so when I would view my page, it would look normal in IE but really messed up in Firefox. So thats what took an extra 2 hours the next day. Also on day two, I updated this page with the new style and layout. It didn't take to long because most of it was just copy and paste from the front page but making the calanders was particularly fun to do since I had been struggling with how to do them in the other layout. I really like how they are just tucked away nicely right below the buttons now. Today my task has been to update the photo page with 1) the new layout and 2) alot more photos on there since I actually have some. After I got all of that done I wanted to figure out how to make text pop up when you hold your mouse over the picture. That took a little bit of online searching to do, but I did figure it out and I really like it. It adds a nice little flavor to it when you can see comments on the picture. Also, instead of just sizing down a 1.5meg picture for the thumbnail on the main photo page, I actually made smaller versions of the picture and just linked them to the large versions. This should cut down on loading times for anyone who is using still using dial up *cough* Joseph *cough*

Cock-blocked

Another month is gone and a new one begins. That much closer to the return of school and the return of some friends of mine. I was in Kharma this morning and to my surprise there were actualy a few good looking girls in there today. Unfortunitly, two of them were sitting together and the third was sititng with a guy already. I grabed my cup of coffee and sat against the wall so I could keep an eye on the two girls sitting together at one of the booths. Now, its always been a rule of mine to never approach two girls at once, I dont know why, but when girls are together they wont open up because they are trying to show off to their friend. Either one, they will try to out flirt the other if you are cute enough, two they will be afraid to flirt because the other wont think you are cute, or three, they will both be afraid to flirt because their best friend is there and therefore, not talk to you at all. So as i was sitting there just doing my eye candy thing a "smooth" looking black guy comes in and sits strait down with them. I mean he made a bullseye right towards them as soon as he came in. "High my names blablabla, nice to meet yall." I was like wow, that takes balls, but hey he was black, he can get away with it....Thats r ight, I went there. Maybe Im loosing my nerve to go talk to girls, I dont know, but I still like my rule of not meeting girls in groups. Ive made some recent addiitions to my web page. Audio logs and new buttons are some of the things that have gone up. Now Im gonna work on the title and try to format it a little better. Oh ya, I removed the warning from the top of this page, not because it all still doesn't apply, but I need the space for more calanders. Well, see ya next time.

One Old and Two New's

I know I know, its been a while since I last wrote in here and I'm sorry. So lets see...first of all, I decided to pick up city of heroes again and drop WoW for a while. Although WoW might be the better built game and have a lot more to do and places to go, the "fun" factor is just to strong to stay away from CoH. The community on CoH, and the friends I have on there are just to much fun and are way to great of guys to stay away for to long. Besides, I kinda suck at WoW, but I'm pretty good at CoH :) The night I got back on, I was reminiscing with my Super Group leader and he was saying how our sister group, Paragon Elite Force Too, was in trouble of falling apart. I asked him if I could help try to rebuild it and she said sure so he made me the freakin leader!! Well, one of them, but I'm the only one on all day long. It's going good too. I've invited some really cool people in there and we all talk and hang around and do missions together. So except for the fight me and Vochre got into a few days ago, things are going good.

I got that job at GTI, but she said I have to wait for an opening which could take a couple of weeks!! So until then I just have to keep calling back and hope someone leaves soon. I also got to go to a Texas Ranger game this weekend. Jeremy and his girlfriend came into town so we all decided to go. She seems really nice, of course, so did the psycho one who tried to kill his dog. I guess we'll see how this one goes, but so far things are good with her. I also hung out with Travis Friday night until like 2am. That was fun. We went and got hamburgers and watched Spiderman 2. Then we played arcade games on his computer for like 2 more hours...so cool. Well, that's about it for now.

Good to be back and the Party

Lets see, over the weekend I went to my moms house for like two days and I couldn't have been more ready to come home to Denton. I swear I just wanted to kill my self after being there for a day. Being in a house alone, with no TV or internet for multiple days just does bad things to my mental status. So I quickly decided to come back. I called GTI today and I have an interview next Tuesday at 10:20am so I hope that goes well. Josh said I'll probably get the job but I'll have to wait until they start training again which could be up to like 2 months! I cant wait that long. I'm going to have to go apply at the cafeteria so I can have a job until training starts. Oh well, I'll suck it up for a while and swallow my pride if I have to.

We threw a pretty good size party here last night. Had about 50 people show up we guess which is a lot considering how small of a place this is. Only problem was that a few of them came into my room, opened up my window, climbed out on to my roof and decided to just chill. So I eventually had to come get them and tell them to come in side so that I could shut my window and stop letting all the bugs and stuff in my room. Other than that it was pretty fun. Cleaning was kind of a bitch though, but I did manage to pick up and vacuum my room along with every other part of the house.

Still cant figure out what happened to that Ginny girl. She never did return my message I sent her on myspace, but she checked my profile again today. Weird.

The End is Near

Another day has gone by and I am one day closer to the end of school. I took my first of only 2 exams this morning. It went ok. I also went and applied for a job at GTI. I swear I had to wait on the stupidest woman I've ever seen to finish her application on the computer. It took me 10 minutes what took her AT LEAST 30min. She couldn't even figure out how to put her own date of birth correctly!!! I was gonna scream I was so frustrated. But I finally got my turn and then they made me take this card with instructions to call back in a week to set up an interview so whatever. I'll call back in a week and find out what's going on. In the mean time, I suppose I'll just sit here and do whatever I can to stay busy. I have one more exam on Friday at 8am. Government...woo hoo... I'm gonna miss Chris Jackson next year. He has been a cool cat to have around. He got my number at kharma tonight to keep in touch when he gets his cell phone. I hope he does stay in touch like he says. I'm sure Son will grace us with his presence every now and again so I'm not to worried about that. Joseph of course will be back as well and Travis and Brandon every now and again for grad school. I really should work on the calendar on this page. I have to figure out a way to put multiple months on here. Lets see what I can do. I'm just going to have to find a new lay out when next month hits, but I think this will do for now.

The Kharma hook up

So here's an interesting story that happened to me today. A random girl friended me on myspace.com and me being the curious single guy I am decided to find out who this was. I IMed her when I see her get online about 5min later and we talk for awhile. Turns out she's a grad student here at UNT and is 25. I told her I just got back from Kharma, a coffee shop I like to go to and she said that she would like some coffee because she had a long drive ahead of her to go see her brother's band play in Mesquite. I ask her if she wants to we can meet up there and hang out for a while. So, about 45min later she shows up at Kharma and we sit and talk for about another hour or so. Isn't it weird how you can meet cool people just randomly all the sudden from the strangest of places?? Her name is Ginny by the way, incase I can't remember it later on. I'm terrible with names.

Life Goes On

Well, life really does go on after being broken up with. So here I am, looking for a job, trying to make ends meet again with out having someone to fall back on. I suppose I'm doing alright. I'm just waiting for next week to be over so that summer will be here and I can just work all summer long. I'm back on the girl hunt again but no luck so far. There is this one girl Jamie who tends to hang out at kharma every now and again. I actually met her a long time ago when she use to work at best buy but lost touch with her when she stopped working there. She's actually single now so that's good. The only other girl I've met is Shannon but she has a boyfriend which is to bad because she is really cool.

So I tried to buy a new motherboard and RAM on Sunday but it turned out to be such a hassle. On the first board I got, I take it home and put it all in and the damn sound doesn't work. So I get Son to drive me all the way back to Fry's which is in Plano to exchange it. Take that board home and put that one in and the sound still doesn't work!!! So I think maybe I did something to Windows to fuck up the sound, so I reinstall windows....nope still no sound. Finally I'm just like screw it, and I took the mobo and ram back today and got a full refund of about $130. I'm just going to wait until next month and buy offline. It will be cheaper so I can get the next step up on mobo's and get the same RAM. Ok well that's about it for now.

A Different Kind of Aniversary

I have survived the first week, congrats to me. This fucking blows right now, I hate this. No one should ever have to feel this bad all day long. But moving on...

I have spent a shit load of time in Kharma lately, mainly because I told her to stay away from there so I know she'll never be there. A funny thing happened to me there today. I saw this really cute girl who was sitting by herself so I went and said hi and we talked for almost an hour just hanging out and whatnot. After about 45min or so, a guy comes in and says they are about to leave to go somewhere so I ask for her contact info and as shes writing it, another guy comes up and stands next to us. She says, oh this is my bf. I was like holy shit, your giving me your contact info in front of your bf...that takes balls. But she's really cool so I'm still going to IM her anyway.

I also went to KFC the other night and got to meet Rachel for the first time. She seems pretty cool. She hooked us up with free drinks and a senior citizen discount so that was really nice of her. I think that's all that has happened lately.

Untitled

Well it ended on Sunday afternoon as she came over to grab her stuff. She just doesn't want to deal with me anymore I guess with all the exams and stuff she has coming up. That's all I have to say about that for now.

Hall of The Year show

I haven't updated here for a while now, sorry about that, but you know how things go. Tests to study for, poems to memorize for class, things to do, people to see. Anyway, lets see what's happened since my last post.

Our internet finally started to work normally again...thank God!!! We are still having the cable guy come out tomorrow and make sure everything is ok with our feed and our modem. Also, I'm starting to rather enjoy playing WoW. My warlock is really coming along nicely. I hit level 15 tonight and Brendan has already got me into his guild called "We ARR Pirates!" Unfortunitly I'm so much lower than them I never can team up with anyone, but it's at least a good way to find out information and something to keep my busy when I'm walking long distances. Brendan also gave me a mod called UUI - Ultimate User Interface. Its pretty much a collection of about 30 different mods all wraped up into one package. He helped me set it up and its really damn cool. It makes the game a little easier to play and a little more fun to work with.

I went to the Hall of the Year presentations today for the fourth time. David Jacobs called me on the phone and said he wanted old BHA and RAs to come back for a part. I guess it was cool enough. Kelly and her kids were there so that was awesome, to bad Korrigan doesn't remember me or Son anymore. That really makes me feel weird ya know? All those times I played with them and watched them while Kelly was gone...*sigh* oh well, I guess that's just how kids are. I guess that's all thats been happening lately. Until next time....

Enter World of Warcraft

Its finally Friday and I couldn't be more thankful. We have the party tomorrow night so that should be a blast. Haven't been to a good party in a long time. Also, I decided to quit my six month stay on City of Heroes. I was getting boring and even with the arena, I knew it wasn't going to be worth the money for playing once every few days. I need something new, something fresh and fun, something like....

WORLD OF WARCRAFT!!

That's right baby, I have begun my journey into the world of orcs, humans, nightelves, gnomes, trolls, dwarfs. taurren, and undead. I have chosen to become a warlock. Apparently they are hard to play, but if you do it right, you will be a bad ass forever. So I'm gonna take the hard road and see what happens. The game is much harder than COH was. Its just a lot more complicated and way more detailed. I need to sit down with Brendan and have him walk me through some things. Well, here's hoping that this game is better than the last game.

Still no Internet!

Here we are again, another journal entry, another day gone by with out real internet. Luckily I am picking up a good signal from Kharma right now, so I can still be online, its just really slow and not stable enough to play City of Heroes. Anyways, so I've been thinking about the summer again today, yeppie, and I think I may start going to Kharma more often with Brendon and Josh. I mean, I don't have anything else to do, so why not? Nicholas always goes there any chance he can get so maybe there is something about that place that I'm missing.

I tried to trade in some ps2 games today and get credit on a new one but they were only going to give me NINE dollars for 3 games!! I was like screw you hippie, and just kept them. Brendon says sometimes they have deals with trading in games and that I should try again another time. Anyway, that's all for now. I'll check back in soon.

No Internet and an uncertain future

Well, its Sunday afternoon and my internet is down. I'll have to just write this now and upload it when the service comes back online. I feel good about having this diary again. I think it helps sometimes to have something to write all of your thoughts down in, even if nobody reads it.

Last night I saw most of Bridget Jones Diary. Its funny because at the end her love interest reads her diary and gets upset about what's in it. It reminded me of my old livejournal diary and how many times it got me into trouble with whoever was reading. Over all it was a cute movie and I'm glad that Hue Grant finally didn't get the girl in the end. I never really liked him. We had the sequel there too, but they decided to wait until later to watch.

I really hate my Charter Communications right now. Yes we get really fast internet, but every two weeks or so it randomly cuts off for like a day or two. They should get their shit together. Before it went down I was able t o change around my photo page a little bit. Added some new pictures and changed the lay out. Son said he would send me more so that I can post those up too. If my connection was working I would have done it last night...GRR!! Oh well, until then I can keep my self occupied with video games and music I suppose. I tried to write a song in Finale earlier but it didn't work. I've only written one song in there in my entire life and it took like a week of having no internet or TV or phone. I've realized you never have nothing to keep you occupied, you just have to find new things.

I guess that's what I'll be doing this summer. With Angelica being gone, possibly really gone this time, and with the friends all gone home, I'm not quite sure what I'll be able to do. Ya I'll take a few summer classes, hopefully meet some new people, make some new friends, but it wont be the same any more. Son isn't coming back to Bruce next semester so looks like I get to grow up this summer and learn to deal with what adults have to deal with. aka...being alone and finding ways to keep your self happy with out relying on other people. That has become increasingly harder to do with Angelica here now. Sometimes when I think about the summer and next year I think I can find a way to be happy with out her, and other times I don't know what I'm gonna do with out her. I know she's coming back to UNT next year, so she will be here, but will she be here for me anymore? I'm not sure what to do over the break, do I allow us to see other people and take the risk of loosing her for good to someone else or do I try to make it work? I've got a few weeks to decide so I'll think about it some more and then decide. I do love her and I do want to stay with her longer because she makes me happy....most of the time lol.

Well I guess I've rambled on enough for one entry. I'll check back in soon.

Bowling, a new cd, and horray for hackers

Last night I went out bowling with Son and Joseph. I won the second game and Son won the rest of them. It was really awesome though because I ended up beating Joseph by a single pin in the third game. Afterwards, we went to Wing Zone and got 20 wings. After I got back, Angelica wanted me to go hang out with her, Hunter, and Kim in Kim's room so I did. I ended up just staying there for the night. I also got to carry on my yearly tradition by telling my April Fool's joke to Kim. So goes another exciting April Fools Day :)

Today, Son just transferred me the new Initial D Fourth Stage Soundtrack, so bad ass. In City of Heroes news, they put the arena back online in the test server. First battle I fought a three person free for all and won!! I was going against two blasters and it really wasn't a challenge. The next battle I teamed up with a blaster from my supergroup and we fought against another blaster/tank combo. We won 6 kills to 4. It is definitely fun to play against other heroes instead of playing the computer all the time.

All this is now being created with the Office 2003 version of FrontPage now. I happened to have...uh..."found it" online 2 days ago :) Don't even ask where I got it from. Anyways, I think its a little better organized and easier to find things. I also enjoy the new blue skin look. It's very sleek.

Here we go again

This is my first post in what will be probably the fourth time I've started up a journal online. Every journal I have ever had online have all ended the same way....unfinished because of a girl. The first time I had a live journal, it ended because the girls father was reading what I was saying. The second time it ended, I had been broken up with by my now ex girl friend and lost interest in it because I didn't want to be reminded of her. Third time was because the new girls father along with her father's spy, was reading it and reporting back. Not to mention all the numerous times I pissed people off and it came back to bite me in the ass. So here we go, my own personal journal that very few people will know about. This link is not in my aim name, which is new so her father wont know about it. This link is not on thefacebook, which he is also aware of. In fact, I'm not to sure how many people I even want to know about this AT ALL.

So what's on my mind right now, well I just got into a fight with Angelica because she feels we have been spending to much time together. She's probably right, but she did just last week try to hook up with someone else over me, so can she really blame me for wanting to be a little controlling?? Yea so what if I have issues about trust, so do a lot of people. I can only do the best I can and if that's not good enough then I'm sorry.

Well, that's about it for now. We'll see how this all goes.